Costner

Day 2 in Greenville turned into the greatest night ever. Not only did we spend the day eating wings and drinking beers at Wild Wings, got to see the Drive win again, and AND IT'S A BIG AND got to see Kevin Costner and his band play. Even better, he dropped the F-bomb as soon as we got there, which if you ever come down South you will realize is kind of a big deal since no one seems to swear or curse or cuss or whatever it's fucken called. The Cos, as we started to refer to him as when we found out he was playing tonight also concluded his set by saying "Good Night" and then telling us all that he would "see us at the movies." Really Kev? Cause from what I recall your movies suck the life out of me along with my will to live. And just so you can all suffer along with me, here is the Cos and his band...

Greenville Drive WIN!!!

Even though the Big League Squad was rained out last night, the Sox still managed to gain a half game in the standings to now lead the Yankees by ten games. And while there was no baseball in Boston, the Greenville Drive put on an offensive barrage last night at West End Field winning with a final score of 12-5 or atleast that is what I remember the score to be. A good time was had by all as the Diz, Bob Jingle, and I consumed many beers and ballpark food in addition to getting to see victory by the hometown team. All of which was capped off with a little fireworks display to thank the fans..

The homage to the Green Monster at Fenway Park at the Greenville Drive's West End Field.

Not sure if they call this the Pesky Pole, but they should... nobody messes with Johny Pesky!!!

And finally , Gabe Kapler, the Hebrew Hammer and Drive Manager, exchanged his lineup card for that evening's game. Along with the lineup card, Kaler also gave his opposing manager some tips on body building and where to purchase the finest steroids in the local Greenville area.

Open Roads and Firework Heaven

Well, we have successfully rolled into town around 3:51 this afternoon. I am happy to report that the weather is beautiful, and it appears that we have dodged all the crappy weather in the Northeast currently. Not much to report as most of the actual events from the road will be covered in the official Roadtrip Diary that I will post when we get back to old sweet Brooklyn, but on our way to Greenville, we did find a very interesting fireworks facility. (Note: I think that "facility" is the only word that best encapsulate the size of that place.)

And as you can see, the Shelton Discount Fireworks Store is apparently, the "World's Largest Fireworks Store" where apparently you can buy any type of firework your little heart desires.

I mean seriously there are just aisles and aisles of short range explosives in this place..

With stacks and stacks of fireworks creeping up the walls along with bins and bins filled with ground fireworks like these fake grenades...

And finally for the younger crowd, this cute little Pink Elephant explosive... nothing says amazing display of fire and colors like a cute little pink elephant... And what a better way to start the kids down the road to future firework domination than with an appealing cartoon character.

Anyway, I guess even though alot of Americans especially in this neck of the woods are constantly touting the need to be vigilant against terrorism, we still find it just fine to house tons and tons of explosives that if combined might possibly create an even bigger explosive... I mean I understand the need to support the personal right to have firearms (i guess this what this firework obsession is derived from) but even this is a little excessive and just seems to provide too easy of access to potentially the wrong people i.e. drunken white males fresh off a day of moonshine and hillbilly heroine...

On that note... off to see the Greenville Drive.. GO SINGLE A BASEBALL!!!

One Stage Down

So thankfully, we pulled into Harrisonburg Virginia last night around 1:30 AM. As such, we are at the halfway to our destination as I sit here on the cardboard thin bed at the Super 8. Most of our travel has been smooth as it appears that we were able to avoid most of the traffic that we hit last year heading to Virginia Beach by heading further west on I-78 West to I-81 South. Unfortunately, we still have six hundred miles further south to drive. Fortunately, I don't drive so I can just sit in the back of Tina (the name of Volvo 2.0) and just take in the sights and sounds that are the dirty South. I wish I had more funny stuff to put down here but since I am mildly fighting off some crazy dehydration headache, I am going to leave you only with the bell that we rang after having excellent service at an Arby's in Pennsylvania. Of course, there was no service in the world that could save us when a half an hour after eating Arby's we all were wondering why the next rest area was sixty miles away. DING DONG!!!


More from Greenville, SC later today...

A Preamble to the Greatest Roadtrip of All Time

A long time ago, one of my friends was quoted as saying that he wanted to "start a movement." Of course, the flaw in that statement and underlying logic is that for the most part movements are not started instead they kind of just happen without people ever noticing that they are actually occurring until years later when historians label that thing that happened, "a movement." My point here is that I have essentially done the same thing by labeling the roadtrip that myself, Bob Jingle, Dirty Diz, ET, and the Faithful SteedVersion 2.0 are about to depart on as "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time." (Last year's description of the cast of characters can be found here.) Most likely, this roadtrip won't be "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time" and will be similar to most roadtrips that I have ever been with a grade around a solid B+. But maybe someday, historians will read the adventures that I write about here on this little page and one day determine that in fact our little sojourn to the land of Greenville, South Carolina was actually "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time."

Until that time, the show starts at 6 PM this evening from 398 Graham Avenue... I will talk to you from the road...

Julian Tavarez

The following is a poem to one of the weirder characters on the Red Sox that I thought of this morning while lying in bed. So without further ado, here is my ode to ol Leather Face.

Julian Tavarez

by Rain Delay

Sometimes he throws high,

Sometimes he throws low.

Sometimes he throws fast.

Sometimes he throws slow.

He is not the best.

And he is not the worst.

Of course none of that matters

Cause the Sawx are in first.

Jury Duty

Jury duty and jury service is often viewed as a giant inconvenience, pain in the ass, and waste of time by people, who are unfortunate enough to receive that little notification in the mail. I mean who really wants to sit there and listen to a bunch of lawyers yammer on about how important their case is, how seriously the parties take the matter, and how they need the jurors to resolve this dispute since the parties cannot do it on their own... (Read: Someone is holding back on the money to see how far they can push it before someone blinks and just settles the damn thing.)

And as someone that selects juries on a fairly regular basis, I would love to sell you on how important jurors are to the process, how the service is invaluable, blah blah blah... but truly, most trials settle and the likelihood of the lawyers ever needing the jury to make a decision is slim to none cause nobody wants to place the fate of their client's monetary future at the whim of six people who were dumb enough to not talk themselves off the jury in the first place. That's right folks, the only people who get selected to a jury are the ones who are just dumb enough to get picked or even worse, are the people who really want to serve on a jury i.e. crazy people, old people, and those individuals with full frontal lobotomy's. I mean shit this site about how to get out of jury duty was the first link that came up when I googled the phrase, "jury duty."

But with all of that being said, the last couple of trials have allowed me to realize the unintentional comedy or possibly genius intentional comedy that is being showcased by potential jurors on a daily basis. I mean in the last two weeks, I had two upstanding young gentlemen, who decided that in preparation for their jury service, they would wear the finest t-shirts in their respective bureaus with Gentleman # 1 wearing the I LOVE HOT MOMS t-shirt displayed below and Gentleman # 2 wearing a shirt that stated, "Your Name Must Be Summer Cause You Look So HOT!"

Accompanying his fine t-shirt, Gentleman #1 listed on the Juror Questionnaire that his hobbies including Drinking, Shoot Hoops, Dancing, and Tanning. While Gentleman #2 had decided that the t-shirt alone was not enough to fully portray his true style so he coupled this shirt with the old school pants sag with visible boxer short accompaniment. And as a final cherry on top of his overall image, Gentleman #1 informed myself and plaintiff's counsel that the female attorney representing a co-defendant selecting the jury with us needed to stop flirting with him during her questioning. (For the record, she had not said word one at the time he made this accusation.)

And while it may seem that I am knockin these guys, I really wanted to thank them for being candid about their thoughts on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I mean with outfits like those, there really was no need to dig any further to figure out what type of juror they could potentially be, how seriously they would take the process if selected, or whose boobs and ass they would be staring at the entire trial. And actually that made my job a hell of a lot easier when making decisions on who to select for the jury because as I stated, the only people who get picked are the people dumb enough not to get off. (read into that what you will.)

And since, I have nothing else to add to this topic and need to get home to take care of some shiz.. i will leave it at that.... and with the following words of advice:

If all else fails and it looks like you are going to get picked for a jury... just punch the person to your immediate right in the face as hard as you can... 60% of the time, it works everytime.

I Just Want To Celebrate...

Another day of livin!!!

Actually, I just want to celebrate the fact that I will be able to go on Roadtrip 2007, which is not something I could say with any confidence last Friday. Without boring you with the details, I found out a couple of weeks ago that I got the position at Six Flags to be Yosemite Sam for the summer. As a result, I am leaving my current job at the Blah Department and heading to the greener pastures of the private sector where I will get to learn new things and acquire a little more coinage than my current position. This all goes down on June 1st so since my current job does not like it when people move on, they are currently attempting to stick it to me anyway that they can, which was why last Friday, I could not settle the matter that I was trying. (mainly because my boss would not give me the money to make it all go away.) And since other shit in the case hit the fan last Friday, the schedule for the trial had worked out in a way that I would not have been able to get this coming Friday off. And so with a heavy heart, I prepared this weekend for battle... knowing that the Roadtrip 2007 would either be a 2 man job with Dirty D and Jingle or not go forward at all...

And then this AM, I bluffed the plaintiff's counsel into settling by basically throwing out the remainder of the money that I had authority for and then him countering with a number that was one hundred thousand dollars less than he previous demand and only twenty five thousand more than the number i offered. (read that sentence again slowly.. then smoke a joint... reread again....then read it backwards... and finally forget everything you just read) Point being, the case is over... and I am a free man...

So here is the plan as I see it for this year's roadtrip, we leave thursday night and then have two baseball games, one Friday and one Saturday... then its a long road home on Sunday... I plan on bringing the laptop and doing live updates from the road so check back early and often.. and I will try to update the Running Anger with as much content as I can...

Keep hope alive...

45 Year Old Virgin

Actually, it's really a 44 year old pitcher that the Yanks signed yesterday as Roger Clemens has once again come out of retirement (for the third time?) to rejoin the Yankees for the mere sum of 18 million pro-rated dollars. Of course for the Yankees, doling out the cash was a no brainer as they have been hit with injuries (Pavano, Mussina, Wang, Hughes, etc. etc.) and failure (Igawa, the middle relief core, and at times, old Fruit Bat himself, Mariano Rivera). So the Yanks did what they had to and outbid both the Red Sox and the Astros to get Clemens, who will turn 45 in August. Too bad, he has been limited to on average six innings of pitching the last couple of years, which means that the already overused, overextended, and overrated middle relief core should have their collective arms fall off by sometime right after the All-Star break in early July.

Of course, it wasn't just enough for the Yankees to sign baseball's most infamous mercenary, who has now jilted the Red Sox, the Blue Jays, the Yankees, and the Astros, instead the Yankees announced the signing in only the classiest and most tactful way that the most successful team in the history of baseball could by letting him hold his own press conference over the public address system during the seventh inning stretch of yesterday's game against the Mariners. That's right a team that prides themselves in being THE FRANCHISE OF CLASS in baseball decided that it was ok to make announcements about player signings by the player, himself, during an actual game.

What is this the WWE? I half expected Clemens to make his way from the owner's box down onto the field in order to hit the Seattle pitcher in the back with a steel chair with Steinbrenner then proceeding to drop an elbow on the fallen pitcher's limp corpse. Isn't such an announcement against the unwritten rules of baseball? And if so, why didn't the Mariners retaliate?

Thankfully even though the announcement was inappropriate, atleast the Yankees announcers i.e. Suzyn Waldman (the woman wearing the mask below),

reacted in a calm and professional manner or possibly, the announcers did the exact opposite apparently crapping, jizzing, and pissing themselves upon hearing the news. Words cannot even describe what exactly transpired on the air so I will just let you my readers listen to it here. While listening to it just remember these are professional announcers who are supposed to bring some level of (for a lack of a better word) professionalism to their broadcasts. Of course, these are the classy Yankees so it must just be part of the aura that is Yankees baseball that I will never understand as a lowly Red Sox fan.

And since yesterday was a giant momentum shift, it was nice to see that today, Joe Torre was suspended for one game, Scott Proctor was suspended for four games, and Igawa was sent to the minors.

Stay Classy San Diego!!!

A Preview

A couple of weeks from now, me and the gang are heading on our annual roadtrip. As some of you may remember, last year's extravaganza featured a little trip down south to the wonder of Virginia Beach, which featured a night out on the town, a day on the beach, and a lot of driving. (Oh and a quick stop at the B and L Falvey complex near DC.) This year we have switched our focus further South to the town of Greenville, South Carolina, home of the Single A affiliate of the Boston Red Sox. Clearly, I am a Red Sox fan so a trip to a place like that is not completely out of the realm of possibility, but this trip is even more likely since the Greenville Drive play in a ballpark that is a replica of Fenway Park. So since we cannot get into the real Fenway, why not drive 16 hours to the next best thing. In the end, it really is just a good excuse to go on a roadtrip with the boys... AND of course like last year, it will all be logged and posted here so consider this your two week notice. (And the beginning of my new shameless self promotion campaign.)

Nerf Dunks

Bill Simmons posted this on his blog, which can be found here. I can relate to this little jam session as back in the homestead in CT, I used to rock the slam dunk and three point nerf contests in my living room. Of course, I never did anything close to these dunks...

Enjoy.

Slam Dunk A Thon #1

Slam Dunk A Thon #2

Old News

Paris Hilton got sentenced yesterday to 45 days in jail, and with one unbelievably life changing moment, I now believe in the Jesus again. I mean this has to be the best news ever. How does someone that can afford a driver get:

A. Their license suspended; and then,

B. Oops, drives with a suspended license?

Honestly?

Obviously, I understand that Ms. Hilton is not exactly Ivy League but still doesn't she have handlers? I mean weren't they the background noise in her movie, One Night in Paris?

Anyway, I never supported the McCarthy Era Witch Hunts of the supposed commies in the US during the 40's and 50's (mainly cause I was not born), but I would whole heartedly support a roundup of all the meaningless worthless celebrities. I hope this is a jumping off point. Further, is there a petition I can sign? Or maybe, I will just ask you all to post to see if you support this movement... (I am going to be so disappointed when no one responds.)

Afternoon Television

Today, I am home from work as I had a callback interview this AM for my job at Six Flags. Things are looking good, and I should know if I am going to be either Tweetie Bird or Yosemite Sam for the summer on Monday. Anyway, since I am not at work, I have been spending my afternoon surfing the web, and watching afternoon television. And as you would expect there is NOTHING on during the afternoon, I mean even On Demand is not working properly.

As a result, I have been in an endless channel flip since about 1:30, which led me to stumble on the MSNBC covering live a low speed chase through the streets of East LA, and as I watched, I realized that this chase did not involve anyone famous nor had the drivers of the car done anything terrible i.e. shoot up a bank or a hit and run. Instead, this was simply a stolen car that the police were looking for.

And yet, even knowing that this chase posed no significance to the future of human existence I could not turn the stupid thing off wondering if the occupants of the car would shoot at police, hit a pedestrian, or suddenly, accelerate their car off the highway into the ravine, then, exploding into a fireball of death and destruction. Of course, none of this happened as the occupants of the stolen car eventually pulled over to the middle of road and gave up. But I remained glued to my set watching the entire surrender including the post arrest commentary.

So while I wanted to write a little entry here blasting MSNBC for covering this crap in the afternoon, I now realize to do so would be a level of hypocrisy that even I cannot stoop to... cause really the answer to why they show this crap is for people like me... who get sucked in and thus cannot switch the channel.

And since I got sucked in, the least I can do, is to provide you with some screen shots from the chase just so you can get the flavor of what went down... enjoy..

Here are the police, who according to the commentator are in a textbook perfect formation. Who knew there was a textbook for police formations? A training guide sure, but a textbook?

A close up of the textbook formation, not suprisingly, the cars that the California police officers use today have not changed in terms of their appearance since the days of Chips.

Oscar De Le Hoya...

Yankees Baseball

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We Are Recover

Good to see that the Sox made a nice little bounce back tonight versus the Orioles, who have solidified their spot as the team to face when you are struggling in the AL East. Sure this is a team that once experienced record breaking crowds and some good seasons in the design changing park that is Camden Yards, but in their freefall as an organization over the last two decades, Baltimore have morphed themselves into the doormat of the American League... and yes, this is a tragedy, but then again, it also what happens when you predicate your success on a player like Cal Ripken who towards the end of his streak was nothing more than a cardboard cutout put out there to erase Lou Gehrig from the record books. When you bank on the past, you are going to have to pay for your loss of perspective on the future... So its good to see that the Sox with Schill found the way back to the win column, and hopefully, this will continue into this weekend's potential Bronx Bombers-sponsored revenge series at the Stadium.

Panic in the Bronx?

Last year, Theo Epstein pushed the panic button and made a trade to reacquire Doug Mirabelli from the Padres in order to bring back Tim Wakefield's personal catcher to the team. In doing so, he traded away Josh Bard and Cla Meredith, who proceeded to have rock solid seasons. After the way things ended up last year, Yankees fans constantly chided us Sox fans for having a GM who panicked and made an awful trade to bring back a backup catcher. And in hindsight, they are probably right... although there is NO WAY, anyone could have anticipated that Bard and Meredith would have the seasons they did.

So let's flash to today, with the Yankees currently in the middle of a five game losing streak after Mike Meyers gave up a grand slam to Carl Crawford in last night's game. Needless today on the FAN, fans and radio personalties alike are sounding the alarm and almost in unison seem to be chanting one thing, "BRING BACK BERNIE!!!"

No, this is not a cry to bring back that dead dude from Weekend at Bernies or that zany entertainment salesman from the Connecticut Home Entertainment stores. Instead, it is a cry to bring back Yankees old timer's day legend, Bernie Williams, who this year after year's of service with the club, was kindly told that his services were no longer needed and that in order to make the team, he would have to win a spot in Spring Training or spend some time in the minors. Not suprisingly, Mr. Williams took this as a giant shot at his pride and has not been heard from since the start of Spring Training. (Although the YES network was slobbering all over his nob on Opening Day, talking about how classy it was that Bernie called before the game to wish the team luck on the season. Hey guys, he's unemployed, he has NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT MAKE PHONE CALLS AND DRINK!!!")

The point of this little rant is this... Bernie Williams CANNOT PITCH... and for anyone that has watched the last five games, pitching has pretty much been the problem here... They currently have A-Rod having the sickest April of any player in the history of baseball, but have coughed up any leads that his hot bat has provided them because their pitching SUCKS. So hey, bring back Bernie Williams, who at last check was atleast 103 years old, and just keep ignoring the fact that you have a total of 2 pitchers who can give you six quality innings each start. Atleast, your manager is not known for over pitching his bullpen during the course of the season. I am sure all those arms should be nice and fresh for the stretch run. Atleast if they do bring back Bernie, Red Sox fans will know the exact moment this season that the panic button was pressed.

Some General News

Not going to be much funny stuff written here but I figure that I need to even start putting the mundane down just so I can have an excuse to write. So here in no particular order and in true lawyer number'd fashion is my week that was:

1. Red Sox swept the Yanks in a meaningless series in April and for the first time in 17 years. Last year, when the Sox were swept by the MFY's at the end of the season, I was kind of glad because for most of the summer, I saw the cracks that were expanding within the Red Sox team. The team of '06 no matter how we want to spin was at best a transitional year team, who got lucky early and then ran out of gas at the end. So it was with great joy that the Red Sox actually beat the Yankees during the first series of this year. True, these Yankees were utilizing minor league pitchers, but you have to beat the teams that you are supposed to and this version of the Yankees are a beatable team. So it's a good start to build on unless they continue to get destroyed by the Blue Jays like they have the last two games.

2. New Job on the horizon? I interviewed a couple of weeks ago and from the sound of things, the firm should let me know in a day or two if I got the job. Not really going to say much more, but I would love to have a sweet ass new job. (And by firm, I mean Six Flags, and by new job, I mean dressing up like Yosemite Sam for a summer at their Park in New Jersey.)

3. New computer on the scene... Hooked myself up with a fat new ride, Dell Inspiron 1505 with 2 GB of RAM. The Mind of Rain Delay, who replaced the Mind of Mary (my old Apple) is supa fast and supa cool and I put a password on it so my roommate can't nuke it by looking at porn.

So that's what I got... nothing flashy just the way things are....

P.S. Brooklyn Lou is on vacation in Florida. At least is that what his postcard says...

Imus

I know that i am late to this witchunt, but after reading this article regarding a poll conducted to figure out what people thought of his firing, I needed to add my two cents. In the interest of full disclosure, I have listened to Don Imus since I was in elementary school because my parents were fans of his from the days of WNBC and through to his times on WFAN. I personally enjoyed the morning rants with politicians where he skillfully made them look like the dumb asses that they really are. I thought, however, in recent years, his show became too much about his ranch and whatever cause his wife was championing with less of a focus on him conducting kick ass interviews.

And yes, I thought that he often said things that were horribly offensive just like Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Nancy Grace, and anyone else that makes their living by trying to out shock the American public. But after his recent comments, I thought that Imus had gone to far, and I think that punishment fit the crime although I thought that doing it while he was conducting his annual telethon for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and for his Ranch for kids with cancer, was pretty piss poor timing.

And finally, I would not even have bothered to write about it since I think that the media has done their usual tour de force shit storm of coverage leaving me with not much to add, but then i read this article. Now, nothing in the article actually surprises me except for the last sentence of this paragraph:

Among those Americans who had heard "a little" or "a lot" about the Imus story, 54 percent said the host's removal from the airwaves was about right. Thirty-two percent said it was too tough, and 8 percent said it was not tough enough, according to the survey by the Washington-based Pew Research Center for The People and The Press.

Now, the man got fired from his job and has been black balled for the time being from the airwaves. And yet, 8% of those people polled thought that the punishment was not "tough enough"? What exactly does that mean? What exactly would a person who answered the poll in that manner want to happen to Imus? A pound of flesh? A public stoning? Maybe we could just draw and quarter him... would that be enough for these people?

I mean I have no problem with him getting fired although I think it was less for the comments and more due to the collosal witchhunt that transpired, but I think the man has paid the price, apologized, and now, it's time to move on and start to worry about real like the price of cheese.

Lou? Lou? Where are You?

No he is not dead... but after two nights of virtually uninterrupted sleep, I think that the ultrasonic device that I bought has forced Brooklyn Lou to find other places to call home. (hopefully in my roommate's room.)

And it has been virtually uninterrupted as two nights ago, I got to hear a lovely drunk couple fight right out in front of my house at 4 AM... The conversation went something like this:

Drunken Girl: I am sorry, I cannot go fast I am really hurt from hitting my head on the pavement. I think i am really hurt.

Drunk Guy: What do you want me to do about it...

Dramatic Pause followed by the sound of Drunk Guy kicking the shit out of my plastic garbage can... (Not sure what the garbage can had to do with his dumb ass girlfriend falling and smacking her head, but I am thinking about filling the sucker with bricks in order to break the foot of the next mother fucker that kicks it.)

And then, silence, which leads me to believe that this drunk couple was then abducted by aliens and now reside on the planet, Zoon or possibly they just continued walking home...

Point of that matter is that Lou appears to be gone... I will be sure to let you know if he makes a comeback this weekend.

Update from the War

So way back when, I wrote about the ongoing battle that I have been having with my third roommate, Brooklyn Lou, a mouse who has setup his residence within the walls of my apartment. (Note: I am assuming it's one mouse when in reality, we are probably dealing with an entire fleet of mouse, rats, and several other of the mouse/rat family of rodents.) Recent cleaning revealed that Brooklyn Lou had been spending a lot of time in several places in my aparment like the corner of the kitchen, under the kitchen sink, and under the couch in the living room. AND by spending a lot of time, I mean that he was shitting like a crazy person in all three of those places. (Two points on that last sentence: Crazy people shit more than regular human beings and then smear their shit all over the place... it's science, don't argue with me about it....Further, per some interweb research, rodents shit so that they can figure out where they have been inside of a house or apartment the next time they go there... It's kind of like a fucked up version of Hanzel and Gretel.) So after some heavy duty cleaning along with the purchasing of several glue traps, my roommate (the human one) and I were confident that we had rid the abode of our friend, Lou.

Of course the story did not end there... because instead of Lou taking the hint that his presence was no longer wanted, he decided that since he was clearly not welcome in the kitchen or the living room that he would move into my room. So each night right around 3 AM, I get to hear my little furry friend participate in his version of Pants Off Dance Off while I attempt to catch the few ZZZZZZ's, I get each night. And while I understand that someday, I will hear the pitter patter of little feet in my own life, I am really not cool with my first experience in this realm being the sound of a friggin' mouse running wind sprints...

So after another night of constantly interrupted sleep, today, I decided to take matters into my own hands and went to the hardware store across from my work to stock up on a veritable arsenal of weapons to end the life of Sweet Lou. (Not Lou Pineilla, who by the looks of the Cubs season, is about two more outbursts from a major heart attack.) As such, I purchased 8 glue traps, 6 bags of poison, 1 enclosed trap, and finally, a nice little sound making device that is supposed to drive the mice completely nuts. As a result, tonight, I will methodically release all of my weapons on Brooklyn Lou and hope that I finally eradicate him from my apartment and the Earth. While I would love to say that I have confidence in this new approach, sadly, I think the more likely result is that Lou will take his battle for bedroom supremacy to my bed, and thus, I will wake up this evening to a close up shot of Lou's ass taking a mouse-size crap right on my forehead... At this point, I think I am just going to move to the couch and forget about the whole damn thing.