My First Potty

As we all know, Facebook is a phenomena that has swept our nation. One cannot go a day without discussing the new format change, joining somebody's mob, or why the fuck people believe that lil' green patches are saving the rain forest.

I admit that I too have fallen victims to its powers and am regularly on the site updating my status (20 times a day) and checking up on people from my past. In fact, I am such a Facebook whore that my friends have recruited me to friend as many people as possible in order to keep tabs on all of our former classmates.

As a result of my duties, I have become obsessed with people's status updates and the lack of etiquette that many people exhibit when commenting on their daily life. For example, I do not think it is appropriate or safe for someone to let the world know that you are going on vacation for three weeks. (and I am guilty of this one as well)... Let's play this one out... what if a claimed friend who has been using the site to stalk you (read me) sees this update and decides that they are now going to go over to your place and rob you or use your house to film a porno??

Anyway, the updates that really get me are the ones that contain some ridiculous statement about what their child is doing.. I really don't fucken care... Moreover, I don't fucken care about breast feeding or how you're are tired of doing it.. Finally, I don't fucken care nor do I want you to comment on my facebook and tell me how you would love to run as much as I do but you decided to have 17 children... More power to you but don't use your worthless snot nose brats as the reason that you have become fat and lazy... It doesn't fly with me...

And so, I have decided that I will use this entry to compile all of the ridiculous status updates that I come across on a daily basis... So sit back, relax...and enjoy the douchebaggery:

Entry One-My kid and his shit fetish:

I can't believe it....but INSERT BABY NAME just pooped in the potty for the first time!!! All on his own and then he came to get me! I'm so HAPPY!! :).

Analysis: Ok this one is way too much information. More power to the kid for squeezing off his first number 2 in the Porcelain God. I am sure it's a tremendous source of pride for you, your family, and maybe even your closest of friends... But seriously, the rest of us do not care if he shit in the bowl, on the floor, or in your mouth... get over it.

Sorry immediately after I posted this I found out that someone had commented on the post and wrote the following:

Way to go- You're such a big boy to go poop on the potty! Good timing too, cause you did while your gramma is there. Maybe we should start calling her poopy gramma!

Um we do realize that the kid did not write this right? We know he cannot write? We also know that Gramma does not want to be called poopy gramma because of that whole incident in Thailand? The world has lost its proverbial mind.

One final thought since i had to analyze this issue further... Apparently, we have a prodigy on our hands.. Based on the comment above, one can only assume that the kid has the ability to read, write, and pose as his mother on Facebook. I am not sure what evil genius this child will grow up to be but I am putting my money on the fact that he will go by the moniker, The Poop Avenger.