NYC Marathon Tips

As a runner of the NYC marathon last year, I have decided this qualifies me to start providing advice to other runners about this year's race. As a result, I am tweeting, facebook statusing, and gchat statusing my tips to the masses... but might as well add them here as well... so without further ado and in no real order... my tips for the marathon:

1. Don't drink the water or eat the hand sanitizer in the porta potties.

2. It is advisable to bring a blanket to the start of the NYC Marathon in order to keep yourself warm. It is not, however, advisable to name your kid, Blanket (See: Michael Jackson).

3. Pee in the streets... everyone else does anyway

4. It’s probably a 70-30 split on people who are actually screaming and cheering you on versus people who are actually just screaming cause they are crazy…

5. Lube...you figure it out.

6. During your taper a carton of Kools is a bad idea... Otherwise, game on.

7. when using a porta potty at the start do not bother to paper the seat... News flash you already decided to put your ass through a marathon.. Urine is not the deal breaker.

8. Go out with the kenyans... Seriously try to date one.. They win all the time and are probably loaded.

9. Things to drink during a marathon- water, gatorade, etc.... Things not to drink-piss.

10. Unicorns... Leprechauns... Big Foot... Things you will see while running a marathon or while on good acid.

11. The first beer you have after a marathon is like that the first beer you had when you were twelve i.e. delicious.

12. In the words of Ron Burgundy: " I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild."

13. There are many other activities that you can do that induce bowel failure.

14. Enjoy rediscovering stairs..

15. SHUT UP AND RUN- this is for your friends and family who are tired of hearing you talk and obsess

about the marathon... We get it ..just run the damn thing...

16. Phidippides died after the running the 26 miles to Athens... just sayin'...

17. Smelling like ass... So here is the deal... People decide to run but do not bathe and smell like ass.. How does one commit to train for a marathon but not to bathe?

18. The expression "Hitting the Wall"" should be replaced with "THE TAKING OF YOUR SOUL..."

19. I once felt really proud about the fact that I run marathons.. then I realized that Oprah ran one... (okay that's not a tip... I just hate Oprah)...

20. Think of the people with no legs... Okay, I am not sure what this means exactly or how it applies.. But my mother always said it to me when I felt sorry for myself.

21. A marathon that describes its course as scenic just means they are providing you with the opportunity to learn to hate mother nature over the course of 26.2 miles.

22. Carbo loading does not mean eating enough pasta to feed the entire country of Italy.. Just like hydrating does not mean drinking so much water you develop gills...

23. WINE! i am drinking it but those marathoners running tomorrow cannot.. Suckers..

24. Atleast your nipples won't bleed... Oh wait...

25. WTF 300 POUND MAN- I agree with you on this one and have no explanation as to how exactly he runs marathons without dying..

26. It's always the .2 that gets you...

26.2. To all the runners running the NYC marathon today... RUN LIKE HELL CAUSE I AM CHASING YOU.. BEST OF LUCK!