Home is where my bed is

Yeah, we are home.. tired and beaten from 14 hour driving day that featured an hour long deadstop, car turned off traffic jam somewhere in Pennsylvania, we pulled into town around 11:15 PM. Great weekend as fun times were had by all. As for now, I am off to bed.. More with the daily journal posting and some final thoughts on the trip overall in the next couple of days...





Before that, here is one final picture of the park in downtown Greenville.





(Yeah it's pretty fancy.)

Costner

Day 2 in Greenville turned into the greatest night ever. Not only did we spend the day eating wings and drinking beers at Wild Wings, got to see the Drive win again, and AND IT'S A BIG AND got to see Kevin Costner and his band play. Even better, he dropped the F-bomb as soon as we got there, which if you ever come down South you will realize is kind of a big deal since no one seems to swear or curse or cuss or whatever it's fucken called. The Cos, as we started to refer to him as when we found out he was playing tonight also concluded his set by saying "Good Night" and then telling us all that he would "see us at the movies." Really Kev? Cause from what I recall your movies suck the life out of me along with my will to live. And just so you can all suffer along with me, here is the Cos and his band...

Greenville Drive WIN!!!

Even though the Big League Squad was rained out last night, the Sox still managed to gain a half game in the standings to now lead the Yankees by ten games. And while there was no baseball in Boston, the Greenville Drive put on an offensive barrage last night at West End Field winning with a final score of 12-5 or atleast that is what I remember the score to be. A good time was had by all as the Diz, Bob Jingle, and I consumed many beers and ballpark food in addition to getting to see victory by the hometown team. All of which was capped off with a little fireworks display to thank the fans..

The homage to the Green Monster at Fenway Park at the Greenville Drive's West End Field.

Not sure if they call this the Pesky Pole, but they should... nobody messes with Johny Pesky!!!

And finally , Gabe Kapler, the Hebrew Hammer and Drive Manager, exchanged his lineup card for that evening's game. Along with the lineup card, Kaler also gave his opposing manager some tips on body building and where to purchase the finest steroids in the local Greenville area.

Open Roads and Firework Heaven

Well, we have successfully rolled into town around 3:51 this afternoon. I am happy to report that the weather is beautiful, and it appears that we have dodged all the crappy weather in the Northeast currently. Not much to report as most of the actual events from the road will be covered in the official Roadtrip Diary that I will post when we get back to old sweet Brooklyn, but on our way to Greenville, we did find a very interesting fireworks facility. (Note: I think that "facility" is the only word that best encapsulate the size of that place.)

And as you can see, the Shelton Discount Fireworks Store is apparently, the "World's Largest Fireworks Store" where apparently you can buy any type of firework your little heart desires.

I mean seriously there are just aisles and aisles of short range explosives in this place..

With stacks and stacks of fireworks creeping up the walls along with bins and bins filled with ground fireworks like these fake grenades...

And finally for the younger crowd, this cute little Pink Elephant explosive... nothing says amazing display of fire and colors like a cute little pink elephant... And what a better way to start the kids down the road to future firework domination than with an appealing cartoon character.

Anyway, I guess even though alot of Americans especially in this neck of the woods are constantly touting the need to be vigilant against terrorism, we still find it just fine to house tons and tons of explosives that if combined might possibly create an even bigger explosive... I mean I understand the need to support the personal right to have firearms (i guess this what this firework obsession is derived from) but even this is a little excessive and just seems to provide too easy of access to potentially the wrong people i.e. drunken white males fresh off a day of moonshine and hillbilly heroine...

On that note... off to see the Greenville Drive.. GO SINGLE A BASEBALL!!!

One Stage Down

So thankfully, we pulled into Harrisonburg Virginia last night around 1:30 AM. As such, we are at the halfway to our destination as I sit here on the cardboard thin bed at the Super 8. Most of our travel has been smooth as it appears that we were able to avoid most of the traffic that we hit last year heading to Virginia Beach by heading further west on I-78 West to I-81 South. Unfortunately, we still have six hundred miles further south to drive. Fortunately, I don't drive so I can just sit in the back of Tina (the name of Volvo 2.0) and just take in the sights and sounds that are the dirty South. I wish I had more funny stuff to put down here but since I am mildly fighting off some crazy dehydration headache, I am going to leave you only with the bell that we rang after having excellent service at an Arby's in Pennsylvania. Of course, there was no service in the world that could save us when a half an hour after eating Arby's we all were wondering why the next rest area was sixty miles away. DING DONG!!!


More from Greenville, SC later today...

A Preamble to the Greatest Roadtrip of All Time

A long time ago, one of my friends was quoted as saying that he wanted to "start a movement." Of course, the flaw in that statement and underlying logic is that for the most part movements are not started instead they kind of just happen without people ever noticing that they are actually occurring until years later when historians label that thing that happened, "a movement." My point here is that I have essentially done the same thing by labeling the roadtrip that myself, Bob Jingle, Dirty Diz, ET, and the Faithful SteedVersion 2.0 are about to depart on as "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time." (Last year's description of the cast of characters can be found here.) Most likely, this roadtrip won't be "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time" and will be similar to most roadtrips that I have ever been with a grade around a solid B+. But maybe someday, historians will read the adventures that I write about here on this little page and one day determine that in fact our little sojourn to the land of Greenville, South Carolina was actually "The Greatest Roadtrip of All Time."

Until that time, the show starts at 6 PM this evening from 398 Graham Avenue... I will talk to you from the road...

Julian Tavarez

The following is a poem to one of the weirder characters on the Red Sox that I thought of this morning while lying in bed. So without further ado, here is my ode to ol Leather Face.

Julian Tavarez

by Rain Delay

Sometimes he throws high,

Sometimes he throws low.

Sometimes he throws fast.

Sometimes he throws slow.

He is not the best.

And he is not the worst.

Of course none of that matters

Cause the Sawx are in first.

Jury Duty

Jury duty and jury service is often viewed as a giant inconvenience, pain in the ass, and waste of time by people, who are unfortunate enough to receive that little notification in the mail. I mean who really wants to sit there and listen to a bunch of lawyers yammer on about how important their case is, how seriously the parties take the matter, and how they need the jurors to resolve this dispute since the parties cannot do it on their own... (Read: Someone is holding back on the money to see how far they can push it before someone blinks and just settles the damn thing.)

And as someone that selects juries on a fairly regular basis, I would love to sell you on how important jurors are to the process, how the service is invaluable, blah blah blah... but truly, most trials settle and the likelihood of the lawyers ever needing the jury to make a decision is slim to none cause nobody wants to place the fate of their client's monetary future at the whim of six people who were dumb enough to not talk themselves off the jury in the first place. That's right folks, the only people who get selected to a jury are the ones who are just dumb enough to get picked or even worse, are the people who really want to serve on a jury i.e. crazy people, old people, and those individuals with full frontal lobotomy's. I mean shit this site about how to get out of jury duty was the first link that came up when I googled the phrase, "jury duty."

But with all of that being said, the last couple of trials have allowed me to realize the unintentional comedy or possibly genius intentional comedy that is being showcased by potential jurors on a daily basis. I mean in the last two weeks, I had two upstanding young gentlemen, who decided that in preparation for their jury service, they would wear the finest t-shirts in their respective bureaus with Gentleman # 1 wearing the I LOVE HOT MOMS t-shirt displayed below and Gentleman # 2 wearing a shirt that stated, "Your Name Must Be Summer Cause You Look So HOT!"

Accompanying his fine t-shirt, Gentleman #1 listed on the Juror Questionnaire that his hobbies including Drinking, Shoot Hoops, Dancing, and Tanning. While Gentleman #2 had decided that the t-shirt alone was not enough to fully portray his true style so he coupled this shirt with the old school pants sag with visible boxer short accompaniment. And as a final cherry on top of his overall image, Gentleman #1 informed myself and plaintiff's counsel that the female attorney representing a co-defendant selecting the jury with us needed to stop flirting with him during her questioning. (For the record, she had not said word one at the time he made this accusation.)

And while it may seem that I am knockin these guys, I really wanted to thank them for being candid about their thoughts on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I mean with outfits like those, there really was no need to dig any further to figure out what type of juror they could potentially be, how seriously they would take the process if selected, or whose boobs and ass they would be staring at the entire trial. And actually that made my job a hell of a lot easier when making decisions on who to select for the jury because as I stated, the only people who get picked are the people dumb enough not to get off. (read into that what you will.)

And since, I have nothing else to add to this topic and need to get home to take care of some shiz.. i will leave it at that.... and with the following words of advice:

If all else fails and it looks like you are going to get picked for a jury... just punch the person to your immediate right in the face as hard as you can... 60% of the time, it works everytime.

I Just Want To Celebrate...

Another day of livin!!!

Actually, I just want to celebrate the fact that I will be able to go on Roadtrip 2007, which is not something I could say with any confidence last Friday. Without boring you with the details, I found out a couple of weeks ago that I got the position at Six Flags to be Yosemite Sam for the summer. As a result, I am leaving my current job at the Blah Department and heading to the greener pastures of the private sector where I will get to learn new things and acquire a little more coinage than my current position. This all goes down on June 1st so since my current job does not like it when people move on, they are currently attempting to stick it to me anyway that they can, which was why last Friday, I could not settle the matter that I was trying. (mainly because my boss would not give me the money to make it all go away.) And since other shit in the case hit the fan last Friday, the schedule for the trial had worked out in a way that I would not have been able to get this coming Friday off. And so with a heavy heart, I prepared this weekend for battle... knowing that the Roadtrip 2007 would either be a 2 man job with Dirty D and Jingle or not go forward at all...

And then this AM, I bluffed the plaintiff's counsel into settling by basically throwing out the remainder of the money that I had authority for and then him countering with a number that was one hundred thousand dollars less than he previous demand and only twenty five thousand more than the number i offered. (read that sentence again slowly.. then smoke a joint... reread again....then read it backwards... and finally forget everything you just read) Point being, the case is over... and I am a free man...

So here is the plan as I see it for this year's roadtrip, we leave thursday night and then have two baseball games, one Friday and one Saturday... then its a long road home on Sunday... I plan on bringing the laptop and doing live updates from the road so check back early and often.. and I will try to update the Running Anger with as much content as I can...

Keep hope alive...

45 Year Old Virgin

Actually, it's really a 44 year old pitcher that the Yanks signed yesterday as Roger Clemens has once again come out of retirement (for the third time?) to rejoin the Yankees for the mere sum of 18 million pro-rated dollars. Of course for the Yankees, doling out the cash was a no brainer as they have been hit with injuries (Pavano, Mussina, Wang, Hughes, etc. etc.) and failure (Igawa, the middle relief core, and at times, old Fruit Bat himself, Mariano Rivera). So the Yanks did what they had to and outbid both the Red Sox and the Astros to get Clemens, who will turn 45 in August. Too bad, he has been limited to on average six innings of pitching the last couple of years, which means that the already overused, overextended, and overrated middle relief core should have their collective arms fall off by sometime right after the All-Star break in early July.

Of course, it wasn't just enough for the Yankees to sign baseball's most infamous mercenary, who has now jilted the Red Sox, the Blue Jays, the Yankees, and the Astros, instead the Yankees announced the signing in only the classiest and most tactful way that the most successful team in the history of baseball could by letting him hold his own press conference over the public address system during the seventh inning stretch of yesterday's game against the Mariners. That's right a team that prides themselves in being THE FRANCHISE OF CLASS in baseball decided that it was ok to make announcements about player signings by the player, himself, during an actual game.

What is this the WWE? I half expected Clemens to make his way from the owner's box down onto the field in order to hit the Seattle pitcher in the back with a steel chair with Steinbrenner then proceeding to drop an elbow on the fallen pitcher's limp corpse. Isn't such an announcement against the unwritten rules of baseball? And if so, why didn't the Mariners retaliate?

Thankfully even though the announcement was inappropriate, atleast the Yankees announcers i.e. Suzyn Waldman (the woman wearing the mask below),

reacted in a calm and professional manner or possibly, the announcers did the exact opposite apparently crapping, jizzing, and pissing themselves upon hearing the news. Words cannot even describe what exactly transpired on the air so I will just let you my readers listen to it here. While listening to it just remember these are professional announcers who are supposed to bring some level of (for a lack of a better word) professionalism to their broadcasts. Of course, these are the classy Yankees so it must just be part of the aura that is Yankees baseball that I will never understand as a lowly Red Sox fan.

And since yesterday was a giant momentum shift, it was nice to see that today, Joe Torre was suspended for one game, Scott Proctor was suspended for four games, and Igawa was sent to the minors.

Stay Classy San Diego!!!

A Preview

A couple of weeks from now, me and the gang are heading on our annual roadtrip. As some of you may remember, last year's extravaganza featured a little trip down south to the wonder of Virginia Beach, which featured a night out on the town, a day on the beach, and a lot of driving. (Oh and a quick stop at the B and L Falvey complex near DC.) This year we have switched our focus further South to the town of Greenville, South Carolina, home of the Single A affiliate of the Boston Red Sox. Clearly, I am a Red Sox fan so a trip to a place like that is not completely out of the realm of possibility, but this trip is even more likely since the Greenville Drive play in a ballpark that is a replica of Fenway Park. So since we cannot get into the real Fenway, why not drive 16 hours to the next best thing. In the end, it really is just a good excuse to go on a roadtrip with the boys... AND of course like last year, it will all be logged and posted here so consider this your two week notice. (And the beginning of my new shameless self promotion campaign.)

Nerf Dunks

Bill Simmons posted this on his blog, which can be found here. I can relate to this little jam session as back in the homestead in CT, I used to rock the slam dunk and three point nerf contests in my living room. Of course, I never did anything close to these dunks...

Enjoy.

Slam Dunk A Thon #1

Slam Dunk A Thon #2

Old News

Paris Hilton got sentenced yesterday to 45 days in jail, and with one unbelievably life changing moment, I now believe in the Jesus again. I mean this has to be the best news ever. How does someone that can afford a driver get:

A. Their license suspended; and then,

B. Oops, drives with a suspended license?

Honestly?

Obviously, I understand that Ms. Hilton is not exactly Ivy League but still doesn't she have handlers? I mean weren't they the background noise in her movie, One Night in Paris?

Anyway, I never supported the McCarthy Era Witch Hunts of the supposed commies in the US during the 40's and 50's (mainly cause I was not born), but I would whole heartedly support a roundup of all the meaningless worthless celebrities. I hope this is a jumping off point. Further, is there a petition I can sign? Or maybe, I will just ask you all to post to see if you support this movement... (I am going to be so disappointed when no one responds.)