From Today's Great Headlines

Here is one from the New London Day:

Montville In Search Of The Happy Ending

This headline proves once again that I am still thirteen years as I chuckle everytime that I read it. Hey Montville, I know a place down here in the Big Apple where we can make sure you find what you are looking for.

My Month Of July Through The Eyes Of My Twitter Pants

1. Here is the month of july from last to first...as always in order to read this appropriately, please insert Dingle Jones in front of each of these:
   
   down to the baltimore to pay my respects to omar....11:54 PM Jul 31st from web
2. always wanted a guy named Victor on the Sox.4:15 PM Jul 31st from web
3. it's the Imaginary Invalid and it's funny... what more do u need:http://bit.ly/175lkZ11:00 AM Jul 30th from web
4. the debut.....http://bit.ly/4bhhEH12:37 AM Jul 29th from web
5. firm outing tomorrow... kill me.5:22 PM Jul 28th from web
6. Golf, Play, Yanks Game, Dram Shop, NYC Tri...I live my life.6:26 PM Jul 25th from web
7. Is pleading with ESPN to make Brett Favre go away.1:28 PM Jul 23rd from web
8. to help the fight: http://bit.ly/XUB9S6:00 PM Jul 22nd from web
9. just found an old piece of bacon on his desk and ate it.3:49 PM Jul 21st from web
10. says hey Rick just serve him the fucken breakfast!11:23 PM Jul 20th from web
11. good morning funny pants John Daly.10:19 AM Jul 18th from web
12. love seeing jerry jones and the word wax in the same sentence ...http://bit.ly/rFt3X1:56 PM Jul 17th from web
13. @sportsguy33 The Hold Steady's version of Atlantic City is a personal attack against Springsteen and his career. Terrible.11:11 PM Jul 16th from web in reply to sportsguy33
14. it's like if braveheart is on, my tired is a good tired.10:05 PM Jul 16th from web
15. hey Joe Buck nice to see you "think the national league is catching up".. stop using McCarver's brain!11:55 PM Jul 14th from web
16. to the person who has been outside my office all day with the megaphone... PLEASE TAKE YOUR MEGAPHONE AND SHOVE IT!3:57 PM Jul 13th from web
17. East Lyme CT and adult book stores... match made in heaven:http://bit.ly/1LoN511:08 AM Jul 10th from web
18. did not dunk on LeBron but his friend did block Vin Baker once.1:47 PM Jul 9th from web
19. is glad to see Nomar back and hates Julio Lugo.7:47 PM Jul 6th from web
20. glad to see Nomah back.7:34 PM Jul 6th from web

Today's Winner is....

Madame X: Daughter Y would be 3 for 3, but she made it all the way to the bathroom but just couldnt get her clothes off in time and pee pee'd on the floor in front of the potty!!! she gets an A+ for effort!!!

From Today's Facebook status update world of the absurd, we get this little number, which takes us through the daily pissings of the young daughter, who for the last week or so has been fighting an ongoing battle of making it to the toilet in time. Today, like many of us, she apparently had brought her daily record to 2-2 until this little disaster happened. (and yes as adults, we must admit that there are nights where we wake up panicking and realizing that we only have a matter of seconds to make it to the bathroom before we too piss our pants.)

Anyway, even though, I am now keeping a weekly scorecard to in order to calculate Daughter Y's weekly average (she currently hitting around .667 for the week), I just hope that this does not move onto bigger and shall we say more "solid" coverage in the weeks to come.

And as always, I hope this ends up somewhere down the road in Daughter Y's baby book so she can be regailed with her loving mother's daily updates of her successes and failures in the great pee pants wars of 2009.

We talking about baseball... man... baseball..

So Allen Iverson once groused about the fact that he was getting shit for not attending practice... it lead to a press conference where he went on for awhile about the ridiculousness of being condemned for not attending something that was in his mind meaningless (I could post the link but seriously have you seen it).... In my life, I consider the fact that the Red Sox cannot win a fucken baseball game to be on the level of Mr. Iverson's concerns about ridiculousness...

Here's the thing, the Sox have lost five straight and kind of look like they not only have never played baseball before but also like they are spending every post game staring down the bottle... I know they are the lovable losers (or is that the Mets, who apparently all have AIDS), but i mean jesus christ guys.. BUNT... seriously at this point, I just want to see you hit the ball....and get on base... My expectations are not big, but if I got the idea that anyone still gave a shit or was not resembling a meth clinic patient, then I would be more keen to the idea of following this team for the remainder of the season instead of worrying about this glass of wine in my hand will soon puncture my flat screen...

So Red Sox, just like practice, we talking about baseball man, baseball.... it's a game involving a bat and a ball where you try (and here is something astounding) to hit the fucken ball... so (mimicking ass slapping) get out there and figure that shiz out...

i beg of you.