Back in April, as I wrote about, I ran the New Jersey Marathon. I was very content when I finished in 3:36 and change, but in retrospect, I was far from satisfied because I knew that although the completion of those 26.2 miles was tremendous source of pride, I had another goal that still needed to be completed in order to fully satiate my marathon jones i.e. qualify for the Boston Marathon.
The Boston Marathon, which this year is being held for the 110th time, requires that its participants meet a time standard in order to be able to compete in this event. While it is true that in recent years, individuals have been able to run without meeting a standard by getting in through some kind of charity exemption, I firmly believe that the only way I will ever run this event is by meeting the qualifying time set for my age group, which is 3:10 or 7:15 per mile. There is no other way that I will run this event because I want to train my ass off, run like a mad man, and meet the qualifying standard so that I can run the Boston Marathon in April 2007.
Now, back in the day when I was young (I'm not a kid anymore), qualifying for Boston would have been something that I probably could have done in my sleep, but currently, after gaining a little weight and failing to maintain a running routine, this goal is going to require some hard core training. As such, in order to accomplish this goal, I have selected the Vermont City Marathon, which will be held on May 28, 2006, as the race to lay down the gauntlet and let the proverbial shit fly. The race itself seems to feature a healthy amount of crowd support, a decent course, and 3599 of my closest friends to help me with this task. Additionally, in the next week or so, I have to develop a training plan that will require me at its peak to run 40 miles or so per week while hopefully, shedding 15-20 pounds in the process. (I need to be fast and quick and not lumpy and slow.) Moreover, as I wrote about a week or so ago, I have convinced a couple of my buddies from my high school crew team and who have each ran an Ironman or two themselves to train and try to qualify with me. (strength in numbers or just suckers for pain?) Finally, I have written this entry as a way to hold myself to this goal because for some reason when I put my plans in life out here for public consumption, I tend to actually follow through with them.
So there it is... I am locked in... I registered for Vermont tonight and have already run three times this week... I will keep you posted.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
Time Management
Before leaving work this afternoon around 6 or so, I polished off my fourth bottle of water for the day. This is nothing unusual as I tend to drink more than my share of water and have done so for as long as I can remember. What can I say, I am constantly thirsty and can feel a noticeable difference when I have not consumed my 300 gallons for the day. (come to think of it, maybe, I am aqua man.)
While this has never changed, my ability to gauge when I will need to urinate after consuming the water in question is currently completely out of whack. I used to be able to figure when this need would arise right down to the appropriate nano-second for the commencement of operation urination. But lately, I have been forced to either break out into a full fledged sprint to the bathroom or to do this weird uncomfortable shuffle speed walk that maximizes my speed while minimizing any potential accidents in order to avoid explaining to my entire office, why at 28 years old I have pissed my pants like Miles Davis. (wait that is not the line)
Today was no exception....because after polishing off the bottle of water at my office and riding the subway for ten minutes, I found my fat ass shuffling mightily through the streets of Williamsburg, sweating and praying that I would get home before the mother fucken dam broke in order to avoid being the subject of millions of hipster blogs writing about the fat guy, who was sadly incontinent. Thankfully, today like all the times prior to today, I managed to get home without incident and successfully completed the self-evacuation process... Take that you hipster scumbags... Go back to Colby.
What is more worrisome and brings me pause is when did I lose the ability to gauge my need to pee or why have I suddenly started the practice of shuffling from the subway to my apartment praying that all hell does not break loose?
What has caused my constant mismanagement or misdiagnosis of when I will next need to urinate?
Is this just a sign of things to come? Should I just go out and by the Depends right now? I mean I am not necessarily ready for the adult diaper, but if strapping one on means that I will not be struggling to avoid public embarassment, I may have to look into it.
Or maybe, I could simply drink less water, but that seems like a horrible idea. I mean what if there is a drought or if the entire water supply is contaminated?
I guess for now, I will simply have to increase my vigilance of monitoring my internal warning system while simultaneously developing new and creative ways to get to the nearest restroom without incident in order to keep my present prestigious streak alive...
While this has never changed, my ability to gauge when I will need to urinate after consuming the water in question is currently completely out of whack. I used to be able to figure when this need would arise right down to the appropriate nano-second for the commencement of operation urination. But lately, I have been forced to either break out into a full fledged sprint to the bathroom or to do this weird uncomfortable shuffle speed walk that maximizes my speed while minimizing any potential accidents in order to avoid explaining to my entire office, why at 28 years old I have pissed my pants like Miles Davis. (wait that is not the line)
Today was no exception....because after polishing off the bottle of water at my office and riding the subway for ten minutes, I found my fat ass shuffling mightily through the streets of Williamsburg, sweating and praying that I would get home before the mother fucken dam broke in order to avoid being the subject of millions of hipster blogs writing about the fat guy, who was sadly incontinent. Thankfully, today like all the times prior to today, I managed to get home without incident and successfully completed the self-evacuation process... Take that you hipster scumbags... Go back to Colby.
What is more worrisome and brings me pause is when did I lose the ability to gauge my need to pee or why have I suddenly started the practice of shuffling from the subway to my apartment praying that all hell does not break loose?
What has caused my constant mismanagement or misdiagnosis of when I will next need to urinate?
Is this just a sign of things to come? Should I just go out and by the Depends right now? I mean I am not necessarily ready for the adult diaper, but if strapping one on means that I will not be struggling to avoid public embarassment, I may have to look into it.
Or maybe, I could simply drink less water, but that seems like a horrible idea. I mean what if there is a drought or if the entire water supply is contaminated?
I guess for now, I will simply have to increase my vigilance of monitoring my internal warning system while simultaneously developing new and creative ways to get to the nearest restroom without incident in order to keep my present prestigious streak alive...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Insomnia Sucks
I knew it was going to happen this evening, and I did everything that I could to try to avoid it including going for a seven mile run and then having a couple of beers earlier this evening. But as I sat there in my bed, my mind started racing and I started thinking and like clockwork, my insomnia kicked in.
Now, I am actually pretty sure what I have is not insomnia since more often than not I have no problems falling asleep, but when this happens, it means that I basically will not be falling asleep until well into the morning hours. This lack of sleep would not be so bad if I could just lay around tomorrow but since I have to be at work bright an early, tonight's bout is putting a giant crimp in my plans for a productive work day. And unfortunately, once my mind goes on one of its wonderous rides, there is nothing I can do except sit there and lament about how I cannot fall asleep.
And what am I losing sleep you may ask? Well, actually tonight, there is a veritable catalog of things on my mind. First, I am thinking about my deposition tomorrow in which my witness, a police officer, is going to be deposed. This is case in which my officer went up to a vehicle in order to perform an arrest, at which point, the driver of the car, in which the plaintiff was a passenger, slammed the vehicle in reverse in order to flee and subsequently flipped the sucker. Of course, the plaintiff has sued for a variety of reasons and blamed the City for all of them. Now from my experience, I know that tomorrow is going to be an absolute war since my witness will have every aspect of his life called into question including but not limited to his morale character, personal intergrity, and age of onset (last part is not true, but I would not put it past my opposition.) As such, it is my job to make sure this does not happen and to protect my witness. So i got that on my mind...
Next, I have to write papers to oppose a motion in which all the other parties want to pin blame or liability on the City because the plaintiff sat in his chair at work (a City agency), reclined, and the chair snapped. Of course, this is the same chair that his fat ass had been sitting in for six months prior to the date of the accident, but of course, you guessed it, WE ARE TO BLAME. The best part about this case is that the accident happened in 1987 when I was in 4th grade. I am beginning to think that there should be a law preventing me from defending any cases that involve incidents which occured before I had pubic hair or atleast liked girls.
Finally, I have decided to throw in a glass of mulling over my life and all of its decisions just for good measure and in case, I decide not to think about my immediate plans for tomorrow...
Hopefully, by writing all of this down, I will now be able to fall asleep in the next hour or so or else I may be back here in an hour writing about the Red Sox 2005 season, porno, and people I hate...
Actually, I will most likely just whine about not falling asleep.
Now, I am actually pretty sure what I have is not insomnia since more often than not I have no problems falling asleep, but when this happens, it means that I basically will not be falling asleep until well into the morning hours. This lack of sleep would not be so bad if I could just lay around tomorrow but since I have to be at work bright an early, tonight's bout is putting a giant crimp in my plans for a productive work day. And unfortunately, once my mind goes on one of its wonderous rides, there is nothing I can do except sit there and lament about how I cannot fall asleep.
And what am I losing sleep you may ask? Well, actually tonight, there is a veritable catalog of things on my mind. First, I am thinking about my deposition tomorrow in which my witness, a police officer, is going to be deposed. This is case in which my officer went up to a vehicle in order to perform an arrest, at which point, the driver of the car, in which the plaintiff was a passenger, slammed the vehicle in reverse in order to flee and subsequently flipped the sucker. Of course, the plaintiff has sued for a variety of reasons and blamed the City for all of them. Now from my experience, I know that tomorrow is going to be an absolute war since my witness will have every aspect of his life called into question including but not limited to his morale character, personal intergrity, and age of onset (last part is not true, but I would not put it past my opposition.) As such, it is my job to make sure this does not happen and to protect my witness. So i got that on my mind...
Next, I have to write papers to oppose a motion in which all the other parties want to pin blame or liability on the City because the plaintiff sat in his chair at work (a City agency), reclined, and the chair snapped. Of course, this is the same chair that his fat ass had been sitting in for six months prior to the date of the accident, but of course, you guessed it, WE ARE TO BLAME. The best part about this case is that the accident happened in 1987 when I was in 4th grade. I am beginning to think that there should be a law preventing me from defending any cases that involve incidents which occured before I had pubic hair or atleast liked girls.
Finally, I have decided to throw in a glass of mulling over my life and all of its decisions just for good measure and in case, I decide not to think about my immediate plans for tomorrow...
Hopefully, by writing all of this down, I will now be able to fall asleep in the next hour or so or else I may be back here in an hour writing about the Red Sox 2005 season, porno, and people I hate...
Actually, I will most likely just whine about not falling asleep.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Idle Thoughts Regarding Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Loneliness
What up fuckers!!! I know that each and everyone of you stopped checking my page out weeks ago when I went on a bit of a hiatus, but I am here to announce that I am back atleast until I decide to disappear again. I wish I had a great excuse or some crazy story to tell in order to explain why I decided to lay low for awhile like I went to rehab, robbed a bank, or did both. Unfortunately there are not any great adventures nor are there any excuses, I just kind of got bored with writing for awhile... I guess like my life, my blog is meant to have its ups and downs i.e. periods of writing and periods of abandonment.
However, I am back...until I become a cheesehead... (that's coke slang people)
So let me cover some thoughts while I got my proverbial groove on...
1. First and foremost, I just want to take a moment to comment on how incredible the weather has been for the majority of November. I was actually going write about this about a week ago because as I have stated in the past, I hate when people complain about the weather. Mainly because, there is nothing you can do about the weather so when you wake up in the morning just make the best of it. Granted this is coming from the kid who did crew for 10+ years of his life and thus rowed through sleet, snow, lightning, and rain, LOTS OF GOD DAMN RAIN.... And sure people certainly have a good faith basis to complain when it rains for eight days straight like it did a few weeks ago as thoughts turn to basement's flooding, sky lights leaking, hairdo's frizzing, and small dogs and children floating off into the abyss (not a hurricane joke), but in the end, it's rain not the end of the world. Of course if the world ends because of rain in the near future, I will be the first one to be blamed or maybe it will be that mother fucker who writes the Farmer's Almanac, I mean, he probably knows the end is near already.
But in November, we have experienced what I would describe as pure bliss. I mean the days and nights have been warm extending Indian Summer well into what should be a colder times. As a result, I have been able to actually get out there and do many more runs outside with minimal layers. In fact it has been so unseasonably warm that many of the entrants in the New York City Marathon held two weekends ago struggled to finish due to the heat that slowly gripped the day.
Anyway since the majority of us spend our time bitching about the weather, I figured I would simply say thank you, weather, for the a nice patch of November you have provided us. We will soon hate you when we have twelve inches of snow on the ground.
2. A quick congratulations goes out to my buddy, Bob Jingle, who has been going through an extraordinarily busy and stressful period in his life as he is currently trying to edit a short film, appear at gigs for his burgeoning comedy career, write for his video game magazines, work, and OH YEAH, be married. In fact, today, BJ and the wifey are celebrating there second wedding anniversary... As I have said in the past, I am not there yet, which is probably for the best since I am fucken nuts, but Bob and Ms. Jingle are perfect for each other so cheers to them. (Atleast until the next time, Ms Jingle yells at us for smoking while she is drunk and smoking in her kitchen with the window open.)
3. A new entry to the world of blog can be found here. This old friend is a law school pal of mine, who slowly but surely has reappeared in my life since I moved to this great City of mine. PAF's recent entry about debt is spot on as right now I am well over one hundred thousand dollars in debt mainly due to school and my obsession with the illegal infant slave trade. (I figure the FBI/CIA or whomever is out there already got tabs on me so why not throw out some real bull shit for them to chew on.) The thought of my own personal debt makes me want to vomit most of the time, and it is great to know that I am soon going to have sell my soul or possibly all my worldy possessions simply to break even someday. At the very least, I will have to sell out and go for a big money law job, something that I am really looking forward kind of like how the Jews look forward to the return of Hitler. (I am sure that PAF is now happy that I plugged her blog while making a Hitler joke.)
Anyway, check her out or rather read her blog. (She has a boyfriend, people, don't check her out, perverts.)
4. In sports news, I am planning on running a Spring marathon with a couple of buddies from high school, who I rowed with as youths, pronounced UTES. These guys basically run Iron Man competitions in their spare time so I am sure that I should do just fine against them. Actually, I have always been the faster of the three in road racing mainly because I am lighter than they are, but we shall see. I believe that our collective goal may be less about beating each other and more about qualifying for Boston, but I am sure it all goes out the window once we get on that line. Good luck suckers! And you know what they say in Occum...
5. Finally, a special person in my life is running their first marathon this weekend. Judging by the weather, it is hard to say what to expect, but I am confident that they will finish and thus accomplish a long time goal of theirs. I wish you the best of luck, but I am sure you will not need it.
To conclude, I guess for now that is all I got. I am trying to simplify alot of different aspects of my life as I approach the less than eight months to go mark for my current job. Honestly, although this job has provided me with many many opportunities and great experience, I am pretty burnt out and thus, am just trying to muscle through until next August. I think this burn out more than anything has really put a drain on any sort of ambition that I may have to write, run, or do anything that I actually find enjoyable.
I am doing my best to try and shake this case of the blahs... and as I do, I will try to keep writing about my adventures, which should be increasing tenfold during the coming holiday months... I mean atleast then I will have my family to make fun of right?
Further, I am planning on cooking my first ever turkey for my family for Thanksgiving, an idea that seemed to be a solid about a year ago but now as the big day approaches has created panic attack inducing anxiety... or is that anxiety that is panic attack inducing? Thankfully, my goal is simply not to kill the entire clan, maybe we will just have to sacrifice one to the turkey gods...
Till later... I am Lord Vader... nerd.
However, I am back...until I become a cheesehead... (that's coke slang people)
So let me cover some thoughts while I got my proverbial groove on...
1. First and foremost, I just want to take a moment to comment on how incredible the weather has been for the majority of November. I was actually going write about this about a week ago because as I have stated in the past, I hate when people complain about the weather. Mainly because, there is nothing you can do about the weather so when you wake up in the morning just make the best of it. Granted this is coming from the kid who did crew for 10+ years of his life and thus rowed through sleet, snow, lightning, and rain, LOTS OF GOD DAMN RAIN.... And sure people certainly have a good faith basis to complain when it rains for eight days straight like it did a few weeks ago as thoughts turn to basement's flooding, sky lights leaking, hairdo's frizzing, and small dogs and children floating off into the abyss (not a hurricane joke), but in the end, it's rain not the end of the world. Of course if the world ends because of rain in the near future, I will be the first one to be blamed or maybe it will be that mother fucker who writes the Farmer's Almanac, I mean, he probably knows the end is near already.
But in November, we have experienced what I would describe as pure bliss. I mean the days and nights have been warm extending Indian Summer well into what should be a colder times. As a result, I have been able to actually get out there and do many more runs outside with minimal layers. In fact it has been so unseasonably warm that many of the entrants in the New York City Marathon held two weekends ago struggled to finish due to the heat that slowly gripped the day.
Anyway since the majority of us spend our time bitching about the weather, I figured I would simply say thank you, weather, for the a nice patch of November you have provided us. We will soon hate you when we have twelve inches of snow on the ground.
2. A quick congratulations goes out to my buddy, Bob Jingle, who has been going through an extraordinarily busy and stressful period in his life as he is currently trying to edit a short film, appear at gigs for his burgeoning comedy career, write for his video game magazines, work, and OH YEAH, be married. In fact, today, BJ and the wifey are celebrating there second wedding anniversary... As I have said in the past, I am not there yet, which is probably for the best since I am fucken nuts, but Bob and Ms. Jingle are perfect for each other so cheers to them. (Atleast until the next time, Ms Jingle yells at us for smoking while she is drunk and smoking in her kitchen with the window open.)
3. A new entry to the world of blog can be found here. This old friend is a law school pal of mine, who slowly but surely has reappeared in my life since I moved to this great City of mine. PAF's recent entry about debt is spot on as right now I am well over one hundred thousand dollars in debt mainly due to school and my obsession with the illegal infant slave trade. (I figure the FBI/CIA or whomever is out there already got tabs on me so why not throw out some real bull shit for them to chew on.) The thought of my own personal debt makes me want to vomit most of the time, and it is great to know that I am soon going to have sell my soul or possibly all my worldy possessions simply to break even someday. At the very least, I will have to sell out and go for a big money law job, something that I am really looking forward kind of like how the Jews look forward to the return of Hitler. (I am sure that PAF is now happy that I plugged her blog while making a Hitler joke.)
Anyway, check her out or rather read her blog. (She has a boyfriend, people, don't check her out, perverts.)
4. In sports news, I am planning on running a Spring marathon with a couple of buddies from high school, who I rowed with as youths, pronounced UTES. These guys basically run Iron Man competitions in their spare time so I am sure that I should do just fine against them. Actually, I have always been the faster of the three in road racing mainly because I am lighter than they are, but we shall see. I believe that our collective goal may be less about beating each other and more about qualifying for Boston, but I am sure it all goes out the window once we get on that line. Good luck suckers! And you know what they say in Occum...
5. Finally, a special person in my life is running their first marathon this weekend. Judging by the weather, it is hard to say what to expect, but I am confident that they will finish and thus accomplish a long time goal of theirs. I wish you the best of luck, but I am sure you will not need it.
To conclude, I guess for now that is all I got. I am trying to simplify alot of different aspects of my life as I approach the less than eight months to go mark for my current job. Honestly, although this job has provided me with many many opportunities and great experience, I am pretty burnt out and thus, am just trying to muscle through until next August. I think this burn out more than anything has really put a drain on any sort of ambition that I may have to write, run, or do anything that I actually find enjoyable.
I am doing my best to try and shake this case of the blahs... and as I do, I will try to keep writing about my adventures, which should be increasing tenfold during the coming holiday months... I mean atleast then I will have my family to make fun of right?
Further, I am planning on cooking my first ever turkey for my family for Thanksgiving, an idea that seemed to be a solid about a year ago but now as the big day approaches has created panic attack inducing anxiety... or is that anxiety that is panic attack inducing? Thankfully, my goal is simply not to kill the entire clan, maybe we will just have to sacrifice one to the turkey gods...
Till later... I am Lord Vader... nerd.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Sheepshead Bay III: Rock Bottom
Sadly, instead of actually going to the deposition, I decided that since it was well after one in the afternoon, I could simply find the nearest bar and spend the next hour or so in order experiencing some hard drinking with my Russian brethren. (Yes, there is a little Russian in me..chuckle, chuckle...) In reality that is not what happened, but like Sylvestor Stallone or the last couple episodes of Seinfeld, I want to squeeze as much fucken juice out of this series of entries as I can even if it means that no one has read my blog in weeks.... which is actually very true.
Anyway, after the Dunkin Donuts, I arrived at the location of my deposition and immediately found myself in the home of this 300 + pound gentleman and his equally portly wife, who had managed to decorate their apartment as only people who are of that size can meaning that they had EVERYTHING.. including but not limited to excessive amounts of exercise equipment, game systems, electrical equipment, and um... oh yeah BOXES... just boxes of whatever EVERYWHERE... along with substantial water damage.. a bed in their living room.. and no care for where they hung their laundry out to dry.
And since, I was fifteen minutes early, I got to spend my time talking to these people... who of course were the nicest couple on the earth... which is why I feel really bad about what I wrote in the paragraph above...I mean as I sat there, they told me their entire life's stories while continuing to make sure I was ok, needed food, water, or anything else i needed including their first born if they felt it would make me happy... making it worse was the fact that the witness himself was a man of failing health but endless spirit.. And so there I sat in the middle of Sheepshead Bay feeling like I was visiting family instead of performing the arduous task of an off site deposition...
Of course, my sympathy ended when my opposition finally arrived twenty minutes later and announced that there was no court reporter ordered meaning that the deposition could not go forward...Which when taken a step further is why I went back to this same household a week later last Thursday and experienced the same charm but a veritable indifference to my surroundings...Really you lose all the magic of a harmless Brooklyn adventure when you are forced to reenact the same sojourn you took into the outer limits the week before... And the coffee is just not the same.
Thankfully, the deposition was held, and I am happy to report that I dominated my opposition so much that by the end, I was just asking the questions for him. (this is NEVER a good thing) And while, I do not have a great message to leave you with, I have to admit that I enjoyed my time in Sheepshead by the Bay... well atleast the first time...
I am a bad person.
Anyway, after the Dunkin Donuts, I arrived at the location of my deposition and immediately found myself in the home of this 300 + pound gentleman and his equally portly wife, who had managed to decorate their apartment as only people who are of that size can meaning that they had EVERYTHING.. including but not limited to excessive amounts of exercise equipment, game systems, electrical equipment, and um... oh yeah BOXES... just boxes of whatever EVERYWHERE... along with substantial water damage.. a bed in their living room.. and no care for where they hung their laundry out to dry.
And since, I was fifteen minutes early, I got to spend my time talking to these people... who of course were the nicest couple on the earth... which is why I feel really bad about what I wrote in the paragraph above...I mean as I sat there, they told me their entire life's stories while continuing to make sure I was ok, needed food, water, or anything else i needed including their first born if they felt it would make me happy... making it worse was the fact that the witness himself was a man of failing health but endless spirit.. And so there I sat in the middle of Sheepshead Bay feeling like I was visiting family instead of performing the arduous task of an off site deposition...
Of course, my sympathy ended when my opposition finally arrived twenty minutes later and announced that there was no court reporter ordered meaning that the deposition could not go forward...Which when taken a step further is why I went back to this same household a week later last Thursday and experienced the same charm but a veritable indifference to my surroundings...Really you lose all the magic of a harmless Brooklyn adventure when you are forced to reenact the same sojourn you took into the outer limits the week before... And the coffee is just not the same.
Thankfully, the deposition was held, and I am happy to report that I dominated my opposition so much that by the end, I was just asking the questions for him. (this is NEVER a good thing) And while, I do not have a great message to leave you with, I have to admit that I enjoyed my time in Sheepshead by the Bay... well atleast the first time...
I am a bad person.
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