Thursday, May 26, 2005

Tennessee

Well I am off to the Bible Belt... a Red State for the Memorial Day Weekend. This will be my third visit to this area of the country in basically the last 8 months or so. And I have to admit that every time I go, I am truly surprised at how different the area is but yet, how I still manage to truly enjoy this part of the country... I will be back next week to write about the trip to the Dirty South...

Until then, enjoy the Nor' Easter Mother Fuckers...

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Brunch It Up

On Sundays in New York City, groups of friends congregate at restaurants, coffee shops or simply their friends' apartments for the traditional Sunday Brunch. The time is often spent discussing the week to come and laughing about the previous night's revelry. (And more importantly to recover from what ever sort of stupor they put themselves in the previous night.)

My group of friends have developed a decent tradition of meeting at one of our apartments, once or twice a month in order to "brunch it up." There was a point where we went to one of the neighborhood restaurants and simply ate together but we realized that it was easier and a bit more fun to simply create the meal together.

Today, the brunch was held at my place, a slightly below street level apartment in the Italian section of Williamsburg where often it is my landlords' and their family's voices, who fill the apartment with noise as they hold one of their weekend dinners or baby-sit their grandson. (The grandson and his voice and mannerisms will be the subject of another entry in the nearby future because there is noise, and then, there is the noise of a young child who clearly does not understand the meaning of the word "no." )

At this point, our brunch production has been culled into a sweet science of interchangeable parts much like Eli Whitney and his cotton gin (actually it is nothing like that but I always like to work a cotton gin reference into my daily existence.)
Our standard menu usually involves bacon, eggs, more bacon, some type of meat sausage-esque product (Knockwurst was today’s selection), little more bacon, and then home fries. For drink, we have coffee, orange juice, grapefruit juice, and potentially some type of alcohol. (Cider and mimosas reared their evil heads this morning.)


Through practice and patience while incurring grease burns, real burns, and narrowly avoiding collissions in our tiny kitchens, we have mastered the process by which we create this feast. My favorite part of these events and the reason I encourage their undertaking is not necessarily the meal itself, but rather the fact that they provide the group with a decent block of four hours to simply decompress, talk, and laugh as the clock slowly moves towards Monday morning. And even though it is rare for us to solve the major problems facing our world, we usually manage to keep each other entertained reminding each of us why we are friends in the first place.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Wasting a Beautiful Day

So it's Saturday... and it is practically a perfect Spring Day. Of course, this means that I will be spending the day inside watching the Road Rules/Real World Challenge and probably playing a little Tiger Woods Golf 2005. But why does it have to be that way? Why do I sit inside all day instead of going out and enjoying the day that is... It's truly pathetic in thatI have this weird aversion to the minimal effort that it would take to do something out of doors but instead, I spend the entire day on my ass developing a nice case of swamp ass and chair booty.... While lamenting the fact that I am not doing anything with my life..

And the funny thing is that I make fun of my friends who sit around and play hours of World of Warcraft each day but I am the same except that I do not earn experience points for making myself dumber by watching MTV all day long... Even this self-bashing excerpt is not enough to motivate my lazy bones to move from my perch and turn off Meet the Barkers

Anyway, I have to get back to the couch... this writing requires too much effort..

Friday, May 20, 2005

Rational Irrational Hatred

This topic arose the other day through a group of e-mails with my friends from law school regarding who or what in life evokes irrational hatred. These are the types of people, events, or situations that cause your blood to boil even though your logic behind these feelings may be a bit thin. Everyone has them and now I will just admit one and discuss the actor/comedien that I have an rational irrational hatred for... JIMMY FALLON...

First, I will admit that I am a fan of Saturday Night Live. (Please do not stop reading my blog because of that statement.) I grew up watching SNL. When I was little, my parents would tape it every week, and then on Sunday evening, we would watch the previous night's episode during dinner time. (Yes, instead of Andy Rooney, I grew up on Bad Idea Jeans and Schlitz Gay commercials and thus, I am out of my fucken mind.) Anyway, I have continued to watch it through the years... Even this season that has SUCKED, I have probably seen all but two of this season's episodes... My favorite casts in recent years are those featuring Will Ferrell, mainly because I love the fact that in every skit he was in, he would go out there and sell that character or the joke even if he realized it was awfully written or that it was truly not funny... Moreover, he would remain in character through the entire skit and rarely broke character by laughing even when the skit was almost unbearably hilarious.

Jimmy Fallon, on the other hand, is the anti-Ferrell. Whether it be on Weekend Update or while involved in sketches, Jimmy could not remain in character if his life depended on it. As a result, you could always count on Fallon to blow a line or simply breakdown and laugh... And the worst part about it is that Fallon never even tried to control his breaking of character...

I mean there are times throughout the show's history where truly funny moments have seen the actors totally lose it because one of their colleagues was being so funny that it was impossible for those involved to remain in character. A perfect example of a moment like this one of the Motivational Speaker skits with Chris Farley, David Spade, and Christina Applegate... The sketch is classic because Farley is so on that by the end, Spade and Applegate are screening their faces from the view of the camera because they have completely lost it. To me, this type of reaction enhances the bit because as the viewer, you realize that not only do you find the joke funny but the actors who have probably rehearsed the scene numerous times, find it just as funny if not funnier...

But with Fallon, the viewer never got the feeling that he found things to be so funny that he could no longer control himself. Rather, his performances simply broke down with Fallon employing that nervous laugh-talk shtick that he uses whenever he is trying to be a comedian...AND as time has progressed, Fallon has employed this device in everything that he does where a camera is shining in his face whether it be movies or interviews, you can always count on Jimmy to break into nervous laughter at the most inappropriate times...I mean Fallon could be asked about this year's Tsunami and I guarantee that he would first attempt to supply a serious answer but in the end, would break down in nervous laughter...

And I can't fucken stand it... I hate the fact that he has a career that is basically based upon this nervous laugh... I mean how is this funny.... how is it creative that someone instead of actually trying to be a real actor or comedian simply inserts that pathetic nervous laugh and suddenly we are expected to accept that as comedy... I mean are you fucken kidding me... It is a shame that the true comedians that have rose through the ranks of Saturday Night Live have had to share the stage with this comedic hack... and it's even sadder that it appears that Hollywood has apparently bought into this gimic, hook, line, and sinker as now Fallon appears to be landing major film roles... I mean am I blind... AM I THE ONLY ONE ON FUCKEN CRAZY PILLS HERE... How is a nervous laugh instead of selling your soul to deliver a punch line like Ferrell and Farley do and did, make you a comedic talent? It doesn't plain and simple... what it does, is make Fallon the luckiest NO TALENT ASS CLOWN on the face of the Earth...

And for this, I hate him...

By the way, I am getting paid for this... not because I scored a book deal or a writing contract for my blog. But I am sitting at work right now while I write.. and as a result, by extension, i just got paid for that horse shit above.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Middle School (EDITED SOBER VERSION)

No this will not be about how much my life sucked in middle school... But it will be about how I view the moment when the school system in my town adopted the middle school system and its homogenized learning methodologies to replace the junior high school as a turning point in my life and society in general... and how the everyone gets award midle school mentality has trickled down to my workplace...

Today as I sat at our daily meeting, my boss announced that people at my office have been complaining about the explicit language used on a daily basis in our office. At first, I became angered and then enraged because I could not believe that people were upset by the use of swears that have become common in the every day language... But then, I became explicitly saddened because I realized that this is all a derivative of the Middle Schoolization of our my society... As I sit here, everything in my life has lost the edge meaning that no matter what level I live in has, life has PC’ed itself as people are more concerned about meaningless bullshit like swearing... and how offensive this is to other people...

Back when there was a junior high school system, for the first time in the progression of your educational experience, performance mattered as kids were treated like yooung adults where they were rewarded for their successes and NOT rewarded when they screwed up. But by adopting the middle schoool system in my hometown and in the country as a whole, everyone got the shot at succeeding.

Although, I firmly believe that actually everyone can succeed, I think that the middle school process through its everyone succeeds philosophy actually provides a false sense of achievement in that instead of being able to realize that a student may not be the brightest bulb in the bunch, all of the kids become lumped together in one collosal piece of academic mediocrity.

Now, I understand how this seems to have zero to do with my problem with my job but in the end it has everything to do with it. This is because I believe that the Middle School mentality has permeated society and thus created a softening process where our Culture has become a little bit too conservative. Actually that is the wrong word, we have become too fucken concerned with making everyone happy because even though Lucy weighs 700 pounds, talks on her work phone all day and brings her kids in three times a week to work to run screaming around the office, heaven forbid if she hears one swear, the whole office will crumble and WE WILL FAIL. To be PC and to not offend your cube-mate has created an overall goal to achieve mediocrity as long as everyone is happy. And this is exactly what is now being taught to the students of our school systems. No longer are we taught that at some point you may have to work hard instead of making excuses for why you cannot cut it. But instead, the systems enables them to simply to exist in the pack without having to worry about success or failure. Then, when people end up in the Real World, they have to start making excuses about their own performance like there is too much swearing or my allergies are really bad today instead of actually working harder and getting the job done...

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Short and Curlies

Often I think about stuff that I am not sure could be something that I would want to write about for more than three seconds but that I still want to write about... so without further ado, here are my short and curlies...

1. The Red Sox have won their last two games with walk off home runs. The first came yesterday when Kevin Milar who up until Monday had failed to hit a homer this entire season, hit his second of the season and in walk off fashion for the win. Today, the Captain, Jason Varitek hit another walk off around the Pesky Pole in right for the win... (pictures are here at www.bostondirtdogs.com) Now, walk off homers happen to any team during the course of a season, but these home runs are significant because for the first time since the Sox won their first World Series in 86 years last season, the magic from last season appears to be back. Of course, we still have an awful pitching staff and Caveman Damon who appears more interested on trying to secure a spot on MTV's Spring Break than playing baseball but it's a start. Plus, it makes the Yankees current streak all that more tolerable.

2. While we are on the Sox, my dad and I went to Fenway this weekend. It was my Christmas present to him and a pretty big deal in my eyes because the last time I think we went to a game was in the late 80's or early 90's against the Mariners and the Sox SUCKED. Further, at the time, Fenway stood as a crumbling museum to baseball past as the seats were small, the walkways smelled of stale beer, and the bathroom still contained troughs for the patrons to piss in. Now, even though I miss those troughs and the seats remain small, the new renovated park with its better vending stands, bigger concourses and fan friendlier atmosphere has really come along way... Plus, there is just something really cool about going to a baseball game on Mother's Day with your dad. (I mean if you really think of it, it was probably just a great present to my mom to get his lump of an ass out of the house for a day, but I digress) Anyway, it was a great day at the old ball park minus the 40 degree temps, constant rain and wind that as a courtesy blew the rain into our roof covered area directly into our faces. And yet even with the conditions we were dealt and the Sox losing in the end, we still had a great time. (maybe it was the six dollars beers)

3. In my profile and maybe in a post or two, I have stated that I am an attorney. Well this week in attorney-land was my first real chance to observe trials which in the end means that sooner or later, I will be directly costing or saving my client some serious cash as the student will have become the master. As for today, I simply observed voir dire which in legal speak is simply the process by which we select the jurors for our cases. Now although some of this process is truly boring as there is a lot reading over paperwork and redundant/repetitive questioning, the most amazing part of the process is how much the profession that I am a part of becomes a sport at this level. (Now, I know from this entire segment I appear to be a little fascinated with sports, I am obsessed but as stated without these activities in my past, I would be either in an asylum with padded walls orDown State in a maximum security prison after a multi-state hyperactivity induced killing spree.) Anyway, as an attorney, your basic task at this level of the game is to select the members of your jury who in the end will be able to decide the case in the fairest manner. (atleast this is the official stance) BUT TRULY, what you want to do at this level, is to make sure that you pick the best panel who will help you win in the end and hinge on your very word or who at the very least will not SCREW YOU. In a lot of ways, the jury selection becomes a game of high stakes poker where you must be able to read the potential jurors and how they are going to react with the evidence that will be presented to them compounded with considering what your adversary is thinking regarding these same people. However, instead of being able to ask these people every question imaginable, as an attorney, you can only ask really broad and really vague questions such as "will you be able to put your sympathy aside in order to decide this case in a fair and balanced manner?" and yet, you are supposed to be able to anticipate what side this person is going to end up on at the end of the day. For the first time, I am fascinated with what I do, and I can't believe I just said that.

now back to the trimming...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Sprung

As stated I live in Brooklyn... but I live in the Williamsburg portion... which means that I probably should be in either a vegan punk band or living off my trust fund. But I am neither... In the end, however, the area I live in consists of a lot of old Italian families who have owned their homes through the old times when Williamsburg was a little more gritty to new times, where the property value has risen at the cost of many families moving out. It creates an odd dynamic because the young who live here bring money to the area but also create an area that may be a lot louder than what they were used to...

Such conflict is what I observed tonight on the street out in front of my house. Across the way, I witnessed a group of utes, who decided to indulge in a pure sign of Spring, a game of wiffle ball. And while this team of evening all stars rocked shot after shot off of their apartment building, an older woman, who clearly remembered the quieter days of the neighborhood, stood there and watched. I mean she stood there and judged. At first, I hoped that she had remembered a Spring of her youth where she stayed out late. She, however, was having none of it. She wanted the peace and tranquility of her past and not the playful youths she was being terrorized with.

But to me this silent struggle symbolizes the season of Spring because throughout my life, Spring always seemed to fully come into its own when I was out late one night and one of my parents would emerge from the shadows to inform me that although I thought I could simply stay out all night that there were still rules in my life. These rules if broken represented a change from the norm that even if my parents like the old woman, realized they were unable to prevent grasped at their strands to impede their progress...

Spring is defined by conflict. And without conflict, there is no Spring.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

And I LOVE deeper

Country music is an evil evil word in the "eastern" culture's rolodex of accepted music. But to me, I have found an almost unexplainable love of this genre. I was first introduced to a pure fan of country through law school in my buddy, Shaun, who it seems at some point while he was a student at The College of the Holy Cross caught a case of the country and never was able to quite shake himself of this illness. As a result, he began to spread his illness to the masses or atleast the population at my law school. Fortunately for me, I was able to avoid this disease by inundating myself with a lot overly produced and relatively juvenile selection of pop punk bands.

To my dismay, however, after I graduated, I began to listen to something other than the crap that I infested my soul with while trying to figure out the Federal Tax Code and came to realize that country today in many ways is just the classic rock music that I heard on a daily basis on 104.3. I think in alot of ways, country music is a pure form of just making music and just trying to rock and as a result, I believe that a lot of country artists have capitalized on this factor and become quite successful. Thus country today in many ways has become the ZZ Top or Charlie Daniels(and yes I know he was country) band of the old.... So now I find myself flipping around on Sirius and tapping my foot to some country song that I may not even know the artist but that I still find to contain a little bit of rock n' roll...

And yes, I am prepared to be judged.

Blogger's Block

Do we experience this? We meaning the millions and millions who blog and if we do, does that mean, we are trying too hard. I think that the great thing about blogs is that originally, they provided an interesting space for the many who could not read their own handwriting or for those who can type faster than they can actually put pen to paper. Either way, I thought that blogs originated as a means to just whatever the fuck was on your mind and that was that.

AND THEN I TRIED TO CREATE MY OWN...

And to me, my first three entries have not been that bad in terms of moving away from what I criticize above.. but then in the last couple of days, I have had nothing to write and unfortunately, the blog became the last thing on my mind until I thought about it and began to wonder if I was truly overthinking my blog and what it contained. As a result of this self-analysis, I began to think about the whole concept in general and how it has in many regards truly moved away from a form of simple expression into a more formal, over-processed, and edited form of writing. I mean people today do not necessarily write blogs because they want to just take down their thoughts... Instead, many view them as a means to an end where their writing will get them noticed or lead to bigger and better things... which in the end, I still think is great because it gets people to write and atleast put their thoughts down. BUT in that same breath, when that thought process becomes too much of chore or where you truly worry about what you wrote in the second sentence of paragraph two, sentence three, then there is a problem... and to me that is what I want to avoid... I mean I have ticks about spellling or the sentences sounding correct... but in the end, I want to try and keep this the way it should be or as I think it should be i.e. a flow of ideas that you can read, ignore, use as toilet paper but remain what I wanted to write at the moment... now I just have to figure out what the fuck i want to write about...