Well dear readers, tomorrow, I start a little road trip to the windy city known as Chicago, the land of Cubs, Bears, Bulls, and Perfect Strangers. My buddies and one wife are renting a van to make the 800 mile drive to a wedding in which two of us are participating members and as a result, will be dressed in traditional Indian garb.
Now, some may say that the thought of driving to Chicago from NYC seems ludicrous, but actually, this decision was not made after a case of beer or a week long meth bender, it actually was decided upon because the plane tickets to get to Chicago hovered around the 300-400 dollar mark for the last six months. Since each of us is now at a various level of poor, driving seemed like a realistic option especially when we are saving upwards of 200 bucks a person.
AND if it sounds like I am still trying to rationalize this entire trip in my own mind, you are absolutely correct. Mainly because the only other road trip that I made with certain members of the group traveling to Chicago has forever been labeled by me as the ROAD TRIP FROM HELL. The trip occurred after my freshman year of college when one of my buddy's, Gerg (name changed to protect him), asked me and a couple other friends if we would be interested in going to see U2 at Ben Franklin Field in Philadelphia, PA. We all agreed but of course, there was a catch, we had to pick Gerg up from Ithaca, NY, which meant that we had to drive from Southeastern Connecticut to Ithaca and then onto Philadelphia. Now, I will not bore you with the details, but in the end, I believe we left for Ithaca three days before the concert and managed to make it to Philadelphia right when U2 hit the stage. Thankfully, the drive back only took two days. So that is the context in which our present trip is being framed in my mind...
I hope that this does not become the sequel to the ROAD TRIP FROM HELL, but everybody loves a sequel... So tomorrow, I depart, and I will be keeping a diary the entire way, I am going to try an hour by hour affair which will probably drop off to a daily recap... now back to packing.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Monday, June 27, 2005
Sports Update
So I know that it has been a long time that I have posted minus the marriage depression blurb that I just threw out to the world... So I figured that I would give my faithful readers a little more bang for their proverbial buck... As a result, here is my latest opinions on my favorite topic in the world.... the world of sports...
1. The Red Sox-- ok the Red Sox for some reason or another found their magic from last year. I mean minus this evening where I believe they are going to lose, they have won their last seven games in a row. And they have done it by hitting the living shit out of the ball and with dominating starting pitching for the most part. All of this is without Schilling. And now they find themselves in first place. I think that for the Sox to have a successful season they need to win the division this year and make it to the World Series. I mean why not! The White Sox may be ok but I think the Sox can put together a stretch and not those guys out of the AL spot for the Series.
2. The Yankees-- BLOW-- and to be honest, I am almost more interested in their day to day struggles than I am with those of the Red Sox. Mainly this is because at any point as the Yanks lose more and more, the Boss is bound to just lose his shit and fire the entire club. Truly this is what I am hoping for or atleast I am hoping that they simply disband the ball club realizing that their whole existence was a mistake. I am not kidding.
3. The UConn Basketball Team 2005-2006-- This team is on the verge of real problems or they possibly could be already there. I mean they have already lost Andrew Bynum to the NBA. And now, it appears that their two PG's recently decided to engage in some extra-curricular activities by allegedly stealing campus computers. As a result, it looks like me and my buddy Greg will be re-enrolling at UConn next year and handling the rock for Jimmy C. Atleast AJ Price did not almost die last year so that he would want to make sure that he did everything to win next year... OH FUCKEN WAIT....
So that is my recap... I hope the C's do not draft a douche bag tomorrow night... and that some American wins Wimbledon... and of course, I hope for World Peace and the end to world hunger...
oh yeah and that MTV plays a music video in the next 24 hours...
1. The Red Sox-- ok the Red Sox for some reason or another found their magic from last year. I mean minus this evening where I believe they are going to lose, they have won their last seven games in a row. And they have done it by hitting the living shit out of the ball and with dominating starting pitching for the most part. All of this is without Schilling. And now they find themselves in first place. I think that for the Sox to have a successful season they need to win the division this year and make it to the World Series. I mean why not! The White Sox may be ok but I think the Sox can put together a stretch and not those guys out of the AL spot for the Series.
2. The Yankees-- BLOW-- and to be honest, I am almost more interested in their day to day struggles than I am with those of the Red Sox. Mainly this is because at any point as the Yanks lose more and more, the Boss is bound to just lose his shit and fire the entire club. Truly this is what I am hoping for or atleast I am hoping that they simply disband the ball club realizing that their whole existence was a mistake. I am not kidding.
3. The UConn Basketball Team 2005-2006-- This team is on the verge of real problems or they possibly could be already there. I mean they have already lost Andrew Bynum to the NBA. And now, it appears that their two PG's recently decided to engage in some extra-curricular activities by allegedly stealing campus computers. As a result, it looks like me and my buddy Greg will be re-enrolling at UConn next year and handling the rock for Jimmy C. Atleast AJ Price did not almost die last year so that he would want to make sure that he did everything to win next year... OH FUCKEN WAIT....
So that is my recap... I hope the C's do not draft a douche bag tomorrow night... and that some American wins Wimbledon... and of course, I hope for World Peace and the end to world hunger...
oh yeah and that MTV plays a music video in the next 24 hours...
Marriage Is What Brings Us Here Together
So this weekend I went home to the lovely confines of Southeastern CT to attend a friend of the family's wedding. This was a guy who is younger than me but is now married and just bought a house. Next weekend, I will be heading to Chicago to attend another wedding of a friend from high school.
Marriage is an amazing thing to me because in my own life, I seem so far from that point. I mean I have loved and been loved but in my life, it appears that there is something that prevents me from taking that next step to the altar. Instead of being able to progress to that point, I either freak out when someone actually cares for me or I manage to allow my own personal demons take control of my life so that the one who loves me no longer sees the person that they fell in love with. And all of this makes me wonder if I will ever be the one who gets to stand at the altar or as I see it on the waterfront and devote myself to someone else.
Marriage is an amazing thing to me because in my own life, I seem so far from that point. I mean I have loved and been loved but in my life, it appears that there is something that prevents me from taking that next step to the altar. Instead of being able to progress to that point, I either freak out when someone actually cares for me or I manage to allow my own personal demons take control of my life so that the one who loves me no longer sees the person that they fell in love with. And all of this makes me wonder if I will ever be the one who gets to stand at the altar or as I see it on the waterfront and devote myself to someone else.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Another to My List
So I don't know if you read about this guy, but apparently on Tuesday in Chicago a performance artist renacted the images of business people falling from buildings during 9/11 by jumping over thirty times from the roof of the Museum of Contemporary Art. Now, while I have many problems with this whole project, I understand that he is free to express himself and how 9/11 made him feel so even if I don't agree with him, I will not attack him here.
What really bothered me about this whole performance was the quote that I read from an apparent onlooker:
"It was fabulous," said Darlene Schuff, 56. "I just wanted to be a part of it. It's a happening."
Now, I will concede that I do not understand alot of art that is out there. But I am fairly educated, and even still, this quote BLOWS MY FUCKEN MIND... I mean ok maybe what he was doing in her eyes was fabulous... cause I guess renacting people falling from buildings to their deaths is fabulous... I guess... And I can understand someone wanting to be a part of something, I mean I always wanted to be part of organized sports and now that I am not I want to be part of that again. I mean we all like friends. And yes, I also guess that this would be happening... I mean how often do you get to watch a guy pretend to be someone who died on 9/11 but simply does not have the balls to go the whole way so he uses a cable and then repeats this action 30 times.
No wait, none of that is true because that quote does not even make sense in the context of what the artist intended to convey with this piece. From his own words, this was a cathartic way for him to deal with the strong emotions that 9/11 created inside of him. By extension, this was not an act of joy rather it was a way of dealing with inspired pain.
However, this woman did not get the memo on what he was trying to do here. Instead, she and most likely her artsy friends decided that this HAPPENING was a fabulous experience that she needed to be a part of. (her words not mine) Now, I was not in New York City on 9/11 but I know people that were and pretty much the overwhelming tone that I get from these individuals is that in NO WAY, SHAPE, or FORM was this any type of event that anyone wanted to be a part of nor was it fabulous. I am also fairly certain that none of those words were ever used by any onlooker who watched men and women leaping from the Twin Towers to their deaths.
Granted, what happened in Chicago was a performance piece, and it is possible that this woman is a fan of the artist. Clearly, this is the rational explanation for her quote, but even still, why would you say something so idiotic. I mean even if she is a fan of the artist, I am sure there was a better way to articulate what she was feeling at that moment instead of sounding like a drunk socialite who has nothing better to do than spend weekends at the club and weekdays attending these types of events that she needs to be a part of...
Actually that is probably exactly who this person is... and now, she is on the list.
What really bothered me about this whole performance was the quote that I read from an apparent onlooker:
"It was fabulous," said Darlene Schuff, 56. "I just wanted to be a part of it. It's a happening."
Now, I will concede that I do not understand alot of art that is out there. But I am fairly educated, and even still, this quote BLOWS MY FUCKEN MIND... I mean ok maybe what he was doing in her eyes was fabulous... cause I guess renacting people falling from buildings to their deaths is fabulous... I guess... And I can understand someone wanting to be a part of something, I mean I always wanted to be part of organized sports and now that I am not I want to be part of that again. I mean we all like friends. And yes, I also guess that this would be happening... I mean how often do you get to watch a guy pretend to be someone who died on 9/11 but simply does not have the balls to go the whole way so he uses a cable and then repeats this action 30 times.
No wait, none of that is true because that quote does not even make sense in the context of what the artist intended to convey with this piece. From his own words, this was a cathartic way for him to deal with the strong emotions that 9/11 created inside of him. By extension, this was not an act of joy rather it was a way of dealing with inspired pain.
However, this woman did not get the memo on what he was trying to do here. Instead, she and most likely her artsy friends decided that this HAPPENING was a fabulous experience that she needed to be a part of. (her words not mine) Now, I was not in New York City on 9/11 but I know people that were and pretty much the overwhelming tone that I get from these individuals is that in NO WAY, SHAPE, or FORM was this any type of event that anyone wanted to be a part of nor was it fabulous. I am also fairly certain that none of those words were ever used by any onlooker who watched men and women leaping from the Twin Towers to their deaths.
Granted, what happened in Chicago was a performance piece, and it is possible that this woman is a fan of the artist. Clearly, this is the rational explanation for her quote, but even still, why would you say something so idiotic. I mean even if she is a fan of the artist, I am sure there was a better way to articulate what she was feeling at that moment instead of sounding like a drunk socialite who has nothing better to do than spend weekends at the club and weekdays attending these types of events that she needs to be a part of...
Actually that is probably exactly who this person is... and now, she is on the list.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
How Much You Bench Biznatch
So I joined a gym, Maxim Gym in Williamsburg, to be precise. And I am not quite sure how I feel about it. From my previous blog on running, I hope that I made it clear that I really enjoy being outside, facing the elements, and exploring this City by foot. I have always hated gyms because I hate what I view as the gym culture, which mainly involves giant dudes who spend their days at the gym and are on workout number 6 for the day when I walk my out of shape ass in around 9 PM. Most of all, however, I hate lifting weights and using machines where you never go anywhere...
But I had to do it, I had to go to the proverbial dark side because in the last week, Brooklyn and the rest of New York has been hotter than some country in Western Africa as we have apparently decided that this year we will skip Spring and head right into the season known as Hell. I think back in the old days, this season was called Summer, but I still have to do some research on that issue. By the way, this rapid increase in temperature should serve as lesson to each of us to shut our fucken mouths and not complain as we all did a couple of weeks ago when it looked like summer would never come and it was cold. Sometimes, you get what you asked for and sometimes, Mother Nature straps it on and fucks you doggy style with no lube as she has decided to do in the last week. Live and learn people, live and learn.
But I digress.
As a result of this heat, I can run outside only at night or in the early morning around 5 AM. Running in the AM, however, is not an option because I wake up at 8 so there is no chance in that happening. Even with the night runs, I can only do this three times a week since my legs have decided that since I forced them to run that marathon in April that they are rebelling and remind me of this fact by having me endure some form of pain with every step.
And so tonight, I went to the gym for the first time in over a year and some months. And what I realized is that Williamsburg hipsters have one redeeming factor, they totally erase the potential for any form of gym culture neutralizing any of the problems that I discussed above. I mean sure there were a couple of dudes who had arms the size of my quad, and yes, when they thought I was staring at them, they appeared to snarl and lick their lips as if I was a juicy steak or atleast that evening's syringe. (Note: I stare not because I love, but mainly for self-preservation mentally calculating the amount of time to the exit and their potential pounce time). The majority of the gym goers, however, were normal run of the mill hipsters, who though covered with tatoos and piercings, wearing vintage t-shirts, and rocking the latest dirty haircut, just wanted to get their workouts in and be done with it. There were no egos, no pose downs, and limited testosterone. While this almost made me reconsider my entire opinion of hipsters (but not quite), it definitely made me realize that I will be back to my gym in the near future as I work to lose my own neck and bench more than you!!!
But I had to do it, I had to go to the proverbial dark side because in the last week, Brooklyn and the rest of New York has been hotter than some country in Western Africa as we have apparently decided that this year we will skip Spring and head right into the season known as Hell. I think back in the old days, this season was called Summer, but I still have to do some research on that issue. By the way, this rapid increase in temperature should serve as lesson to each of us to shut our fucken mouths and not complain as we all did a couple of weeks ago when it looked like summer would never come and it was cold. Sometimes, you get what you asked for and sometimes, Mother Nature straps it on and fucks you doggy style with no lube as she has decided to do in the last week. Live and learn people, live and learn.
But I digress.
As a result of this heat, I can run outside only at night or in the early morning around 5 AM. Running in the AM, however, is not an option because I wake up at 8 so there is no chance in that happening. Even with the night runs, I can only do this three times a week since my legs have decided that since I forced them to run that marathon in April that they are rebelling and remind me of this fact by having me endure some form of pain with every step.
And so tonight, I went to the gym for the first time in over a year and some months. And what I realized is that Williamsburg hipsters have one redeeming factor, they totally erase the potential for any form of gym culture neutralizing any of the problems that I discussed above. I mean sure there were a couple of dudes who had arms the size of my quad, and yes, when they thought I was staring at them, they appeared to snarl and lick their lips as if I was a juicy steak or atleast that evening's syringe. (Note: I stare not because I love, but mainly for self-preservation mentally calculating the amount of time to the exit and their potential pounce time). The majority of the gym goers, however, were normal run of the mill hipsters, who though covered with tatoos and piercings, wearing vintage t-shirts, and rocking the latest dirty haircut, just wanted to get their workouts in and be done with it. There were no egos, no pose downs, and limited testosterone. While this almost made me reconsider my entire opinion of hipsters (but not quite), it definitely made me realize that I will be back to my gym in the near future as I work to lose my own neck and bench more than you!!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Repossessing My Own Anger
So clearly last week and the week before, some shit in my life went down. I will not get into the details since I respect and care for the other individual involved, but the brass tax of it is that I do not know what I want in life and thus consistently find a new way to destroy all that is actually good in my world. I have succeeded once again. I know that I will live to regret this and hopefully one day I will make it all good again.
This change of life of course has led me to reconsider all that I know in life and to re-assess how my own life is going. And to be quite frank, I don't like it. If you have read closely throughout these months each of the entries have consistently demonstrated another part of my life that I view as an imperfection. I am a hyper critical guy about my life and the way it is going even if I may doing just great in so many other people's eyes.
To me, I want to be something better than I am. I want to be an individual that never wakes with a hangover. I want to be the type of person that gets up on a Saturday and has run five miles before noon so that I have the rest of the day to take care of whatever is important in my life and still make time for a great dinner that evening. I want to not lose minutes and days due to boredom or laziness.
And you know what this is type of life is what I have wanted for years and every once and awhile and more and more recently on a weekly basis, I find myself lamenting my life choices and wanting to be something else. I want to change but then I never do.
And I guess, I wonder how, HOW do we make these seemingly easy and expansive life changes which are achievable and yet we do not want to put forth the effort to make them work. How is it easier for me to break someone's heart and yet still spend the weekend self-destructing?
I guess that is what I am struggling with right now... And if the answer calls you, let me know.
This change of life of course has led me to reconsider all that I know in life and to re-assess how my own life is going. And to be quite frank, I don't like it. If you have read closely throughout these months each of the entries have consistently demonstrated another part of my life that I view as an imperfection. I am a hyper critical guy about my life and the way it is going even if I may doing just great in so many other people's eyes.
To me, I want to be something better than I am. I want to be an individual that never wakes with a hangover. I want to be the type of person that gets up on a Saturday and has run five miles before noon so that I have the rest of the day to take care of whatever is important in my life and still make time for a great dinner that evening. I want to not lose minutes and days due to boredom or laziness.
And you know what this is type of life is what I have wanted for years and every once and awhile and more and more recently on a weekly basis, I find myself lamenting my life choices and wanting to be something else. I want to change but then I never do.
And I guess, I wonder how, HOW do we make these seemingly easy and expansive life changes which are achievable and yet we do not want to put forth the effort to make them work. How is it easier for me to break someone's heart and yet still spend the weekend self-destructing?
I guess that is what I am struggling with right now... And if the answer calls you, let me know.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Then there was one
I don't want to post... I don't want to eat... I don't want to hurt anymore... I don't want to feel like I am six inches tall... I don't want to feel this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach... and i don't want to cry anymore...
I went to Tennessee... I had a great time... I came back.. and I fucked everything up... and now I am alone... as I was months ago... alone... as I will probably be until I am as old as my parents... alone...
Back to the days of being 27 year old son of bitch with a drinking problem... Great.
I wish there was more to say but I do not have the strength to write much more...
I went to Tennessee... I had a great time... I came back.. and I fucked everything up... and now I am alone... as I was months ago... alone... as I will probably be until I am as old as my parents... alone...
Back to the days of being 27 year old son of bitch with a drinking problem... Great.
I wish there was more to say but I do not have the strength to write much more...
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