April 9, 2006: Mileage: 298977: We are in Virginia somewhere near the Eastern Shore heading back to the Cit via Delaware. We spent the morning touring VA beach walking up the strip and down the beach, The entire way we battled a mighty wind that made us feel like we were reenacting the big screen classic, Ishtar.
On the way, we saw people riding horses,
a giant statue of Neptune,
destroyed balcony furniture,
closed piers,
multiple haunted houses,
and got to eat the worst breakfast south of the Mason Dixon line. (In retrospect, this was actually the worst food that I have eaten in my entire existence on the planet Earth. The bacon tasted like jerky and probably was. The eggs were runny and the sausages just plain blew. I am pretty sure that I am still suffering from the indigestion that this meal gave me and that my stomach may never be normal again. I wish we had fire bombed this place on the way out of town so that others never had to experience this little slice of hell again. I guess we should have realized that any place that advertises "All You Can Eat" for 7.49 might be a little too good to be true.)
3:55 PM: Unknown Location and mileage:
Bob Jingle: "Hey wait it's Palm Sunday."
Me: "Good I just had my first Palm Sunday beer."
BJ: "We're hauling through beers like its Palm Sunday."
(Note: This quote and conversation make no sense without the context that once while playing a rousing game of Asshole while on our trip out to Chicago last year. I announced at some point that we were hauling through beers like it was Christmas morning as if this is what my family did on Christmas. For the record, we inject heroine on Christmas, beers on Thanksgiving, and do meth on Easter. Palm Sunday is actually just a veritable choose your own adventure book for substance abuse.)
4:57 PM: Maryland: Mileage: 299071
We are on Route 13, which is very long, very straight, and very boring. As such, I decided to jot down what comes up on random for the next hour. Here is what transpires:
Track A: Public Enemy, "Radio Consultant"
Track B: Jimmy Eat World, "Bleed American"
Track C: Dashboard Confessional, "The Good Fight"
Track D: Warron Zevon, "Rub Me Raw"
Track E: U2, "One" (studio version)
Track F: Blink 182, "Dump Weed"
Track G: Led Zepplin, "Lemon Song"
5:28 PM: We realized that we are on the wrong road and have currently gone 15 miles in the wrong direction. This is the first and only time that we get lost on the entire trip.
Track H: U2, "Bad"
Track I: Dashboard Confessional, "Sharp Hint of New Tears"
Diz and Bob Jingle watch some dude pull out.
Track J: REM, "Flowers of Guatemala"
On review, we determine that there were two dairy queens, atleast three Subways, two 7-11's, and one Starbucks in the land that they call Virginia Beach. (Insert Subway wallpaper picture)
Track K: REM, "Laughing"
Track L: Nirvana, "Turnaround"
Track M: REM, "I'm most beautiful"
5:50 PM: Mileage: 299128: We have entered Delaware. (Note: on my own voyage back to New York, I am currently stuck in traffic on 68th and Columbus. I can honestly say that I did not miss this City at all since I have left it several days ago. It was nice to be away and to be in Boston. Oh well, I guess I live here and will have to deal. The young buck makes it round three, an intervention may be necessary.)
6:27 PM: After some Dunken Donuts, it is revealed that Bob Jingle knew the Sharkey's waitress's name but has now forgotten it. God bless narcotics. (Note: Our bus driver just slammed on the brakes and I heard Young Buck crash into the wall directly behind my seat. Justice has been served.)
6:58 PM: Mileage 299194: After listening to the Beastie Boys, Bob Jingle reminds each of us that the music at Sharkey's was spot on as the playlist included such classics as Arrested Development's Mr. Wendel and that god damn Chumba Wumba song. BUT FOR their fatal move of having a live band that performed god awful Blues/Jazz Fusion crapola, we would have stayed the entire evening. (Note: my bus driver must have a date with some hot piece of ass as we are currently throttling through the streets of NYC. As I try to type while being hurled from left to right, I notice that a dad has just taken his daughter into the crapper, I am sure that all of the urine will end up in its correct place... i.e. ALL OVER THEM)
7:37 PM: Mileage: 299230: In New Jersey on the turnpike: Although it is clear now that we are not going to reach the 300k mark, the return to the Garden State gives each of us a sense of accomplishment as we are now only a state away from home. Smiles, warm laughter and tales of the road are exchanged with glee.
8:58 PM: Mileage 299,268: Back in red pen mode, but Diz does not know so the authorities have not been notified. We are currently somewhere in the dirty jerz. It is dark and I am writing by the light provided by Jingle's portable dome light, the clicky kind. The fuzz is out in force so we must drive silently through these enemy lands. We hope to be home by 10 or 10:30. We will see if this goal becomes a reality. Important travel tip number 3000 of this trip: The Nathan's Hotdog place on the NJ turnpike in South Jersey fucken blizows. (Note: I am finishing this on a train back into the Jerz on Saturday, April, 22, 2006 around 2:36 PM, more on that later)
9:56 PM: Mileage: 299311: We hit a little traffic south of our current location, but it appears to that we have currently found a smooth patch of air. (I always wonder why airplane pilots announce this when you are flying, do we as passengers really want to think about how as flyers of the sky, we are at the whim of mother nature, who could simply send us crashing towards the earth at any second.)
Diz claims that his mother just called him, but I think it is his lady friend.
10:32 PM: Final Mileage: 299345: We are finally home. All and all a successful trip and glad to finally be home.
(I finished writing this while on yet another little life adventure back to my old stomping ground in New Brunswick, NJ where for four years of my life, I was a Scarlet Knight, and no that is not a gay pop boy band. Although if it was, who are you to judge me. We fucken rocked.)
In retrospect, the entire trip to VA Beach was a ton of fun and while I did not write down everything that went on while on our trip, I think all and all you get the gist. In the end, we fell short of our ultimate goal to roll the Faithful Steed over 300000 miles but we helped move the old beast just a little bit closer to reaching the ultimate goal. Moreover, the lessons learned and the friendships made will stay with each of the members of the road-trip crew forever, and yes, I just wrote that to see if you were paying attention and do not for one minute think that we learned anything or made any new friends. Except for Jingle, who I believe now has two new boyfriends in the VA Beach area.
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