MIA Excuse

It is time to come clean to you my fine readers about the real reason behind my recent inactivity with the good old blog and quite frankly this is a little hard to say... Alright I will just come clean and say it... I am not an attorney... It's true I have been lying to you all of this time... But really it was not my fault because in fact, I just found out that I have never been attorney and was simply living a life of deception and lies... A lie that I am not dealing that well with that at the present moment...

So what am I if I am not an attorney, well actually, I am a Department of Sanitation worker or as the career is more commonly known, "A Garbage Man." It's true, I am a Garbage Man.

Now you may wonder how a writer of my superior intelligence and intellect has been fooled for so long into thinking that I had a career as an attorney. Well that my friends appears to just be an impressive case of DENIAL. I mean I swear that each day, I wake up, put on my shirt, tie, and even pants if I am feeling frisky and then head to the office to practice the law. I even go or atleast I thought I went to Court each week to argue before a Judge calling him, "Your Honor."

Apparently, however, all of this is a classic case of misinterpreting my own reality, which I realized over the course of this very week while remaining in my office (I think that is what it is called) till around ten each evening. As I sat at the "desk," I realized that each day when I went to work instead of actually practicing the law, I was in fact cleaning up other peoples' garbage or SHIT. In fact, I have been spending so much of my time lately proceeding in this manner that I have begun to leave my own garbage strewn around the office in the hopes that some other poor soul will come in and take up the task of cleaning up my refuse.

And sure this is simply a blatantly obvious metaphor for my actual career, but in fact, it is my reality. I mean each day, I go in to discover another SHIT bomb has gone off in some file that I am dealing with that is solely the direct result of the inability or general incompetence of one of my co-workers or former members of the office. And as stated, I have to be consumed with saving that person's ass because at this point, it has been reassigned to me in order to limit the amount of damage their leftover shit can cause. As a result, my own shit keeps piling up and there ain't shit I can do about it. (pun intended, bite me)

Therefore, I am left with only one conclusion that I am no longer an attorney, and instead, I am member of the Department of Santitation, Department of Environmental Protection, or whatever agency has the responsibility to ensure that the large piles of shit that are accumulating my office and probably the world do not affect the live's of others.

SHIT!