The Bitch Wore Diapers

Just to make sure I have this documented somewhere for the rest of my life, here is a story detailing the sordid astronaut love triangle complete with the interesting fact that Crazy Female Astronaut wore space diapers so she would not have to stop during her 1000 mile drive to confront the Female Air Force Captain with whom she was competing for the love of Sexy Male Astronaut, who we will call Joe Pie-Eater. (Joe Pie-Eater for those who did not grow up with me or my friends is the name that we gave to any guy who had the insane ability to get the ladies even though said guy was a clearly a giant tool. Yes, we were jealous, and yes, we made up this name while listening to Nirvana while drinking stolen booze in somebody's basement on a Friday night instead of even attempting to meet girls on our own.) I think the lesson to learn from this sordid astronaut love triangle is if someone is crazy enough to wear diapers to avoid having to do number one or two, you might want to steer clear of them at all costs....I mean that is a level of dedication at getting back at someone that I clearly lack... Love is crazy...

Story can be found here.

I have been told that maybe pasting the entire article might not be the smartest... (and I'm the attorney)...

Here are the relevant highlights..

Nowak, a Navy Captain, is accused of accosting Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, 30, in the parking lot of Orlando International Airport early Monday and spraying her with pepper spray. She told police she only wanted to talk with Shipman.

Nowak and Shipman were both "in a relationship" with Navy Cmdr. Bill Oefelein, another astronaut, according to a police report of the incident.

Nowak told police her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship and less than a romantic relationship."

Shipman has filed for a restraining order on Nowak in Brevard County, where Shipman lives and works, according to a copy of the order on the county's Web site.

In the paperwork for the order, Shipman said that Nowak had been stalking her for the past two months. A hearing for the order is scheduled for February 20.

Nowak, a married mother of three, made both of her court appearances shackled and wearing a dark-colored jumpsuit. In the afternoon session, for the attempted murder charge, she kept her eyes straight ahead....

According to the arresting affidavits, Nowak drove from Houston to Orlando after discovering Shipman's flight plans on Oefelein's computer.

She printed out detailed maps for the trip, which were found in her car during a police search, along with handwritten directions to Shipman's home. En route, she paid cash for hotel stays and registered under an assumed name.

Once in Orlando, according to the arresting affidavits, Nowak followed Shipman from the airport to her car in a satellite parking lot, where the confrontation took place about 3:45 a.m. Wearing a wig and glasses, Nowak approached Shipman as she got into her car and told her Nowak's boyfriend had not shown up to pick her up and she needed a ride.

Shipman refused, saying she would send help instead. When Nowak complained she couldn't hear Shipman and started to cry, Shipman opened her car window "about two inches" -- and Nowak sprayed pepper spray into the car, police said.

Shipman drove away and found police, who located Nowak at a bus stop. They also found a wig and a plastic bag containing a carbon dioxide-powered BB pistol in a nearby trash can, the report said.

Inside a bag Nowak was carrying, the officer found a tan trench coat, a new steel mallet, a new folding knife with a 4-inch blade, 3 to 4 feet of rubber tubing, several large plastic garbage bags and about $600 in cash, the report said.

Nowak admitted the details of Shipman's story, according to the police report, and permitted a search of her car.

Inside the car, police found an a half dozen latex gloves, MapQuest directions from Houston to Orlando International Airport, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, diapers Nowak said she wore to reduce stops along the highway and a letter indicating how much she loved Oefelein.

It is standard procedure for astronauts to wear diapers when they suit up for launch and re-entry.