Update from the Mothership

So I find myself this evening writing this entry in secrecy from the Constitution State in the house of my youth. As I have stated previously, my parents have never been privy to any of my mindless babble, and I intend to keep it that way for the foreseeable future meaning if I find out that one of you ass ponies tells them, I will gut you like a fish.

Anyway, I have come home for a little relaxation and some quiet time with my parents, who I have not seen since some time in late July. I actually realized this fact today and have grown more and more angry with myself throughout the evening for letting that amount of time pass between my visits to see them. I really do enjoy their company because they make me smile and laugh with their constant "We Have Been Married Forever" bickering. Moreover, I thoroughly enjoy their unending questions about why I do not have a girlfriend or their bottomless stories about parents of classmates from my high school class, who they have seen around town and are wondering how I am doing.

Since I have been asked these questions and told of these inquiries for the last ten years now, I typically respond in the following manner. First, to the single guy question, I inform my parents that I do not have a girlfriend because I want to live life of a hermit, write a manifesto, and die alone. Then, when told who has been asking about me, I tell my parents that if anyone asks again about how I am doing that they should tell them that I am currently incarcerated and plan to kill again once released. Each of these responses usually results in my mother shaking her head and telling me that I just need to open my heart and stop being so cold.

Now, I really do love my mother and my father, but in reality, there is a method to my madness with these responses above and beyond the obvious of screwing with my parents. First, I do not really have the answer to why I am single, and I intend not to really search for that answer because I have a feeling as to that question, the more one looks the less one finds. BUT as to the people, who are being nosey and inquiring into my BIZNAZ, well they can simply fuck off because these people do not really care about how I am doing. Instead, they are asking these questions in order to get my parents to talk about me so that these other parents can then prattle on for fifteen to twenty about how little Joe is getting married and has a great supervisory position at Pfizer. It is a classic case of parental child flaunting, and I am not going to let my parents get wrapped up in this sham of conversation. Instead, I want them to avoid it as I am trying to protect my innocent parents from being pawns in this evil game of duplicity. Moreover, Joe was an asshole in high school and is probably an asshole now, who contributes little to nothing to society or even his own existence other than he probably now pees sitting down. (Not sure how that helps things but if you knew Joe , it would all make sense.) As such, my parents need to realize what the end game is here, accept the fact that Joe sucks, cut bait, and tell Joe's parents to eat shit! OR instead, simply tell them that I am in jail. Trust me there is no greater conversation killer than informing someone that little Rain Delay, whose life seemed to be so full of promise back in high school, is currently doing 15 to 20 and having his ass pummeled daily by Big Earl.

But to get back to the matter at hand, I have come home to hang out with the rents and experience some classic days of Autumn as discussed by my main man, Bob Jingle. There is no better season in the world than the Fall and no better place to experience it then in New England. (Just trust me on this one, it is not up for discussion.) Plus, I get to watch the Sox face the Yankees with my dad, which is always killer even though tonight he only made it to the seventh before sleeping. And finally, I get to hang out with little Miss Maggie, the family English Setter. (Yes, I am from New England and yes, my parents own a yuppy dog, deal with it.) Anyway, Mags has become the third child in my family being spoiled rotten by my parents, and since, I cannot own a dog in the City, I too baby the shit out her when I get home.

But for now I must get to sleeping as tomorrow looks to be a big day as I make my return to the road racing circuit with a 5k in the morning.. then, it looks like baseball, beers, and babes for the remainder of the day... I hope to get another post in before the weekend is out, but if I do not, I promise on Sunday evening, I will try to fill you in on the weekend that was here in Southeastern Connecticut.

Now I to sleep in a twin bed that is way to small for me.... Ahhh it's so damn good to be home!!!