As a disclaimer, the subject of this mornings entry is not because I want to kill myself nor do I intend to but more due to the fact that I am up at 6 in the morning. As a result, while showering, I started to wonder if you wake up early for your own death meaning to a suicidal person is the events of that day so important that they actually get up early to prepare for it. I doubt it, but it would be cool if they did.
I woke this morning because I cannot take my life anymore. Last night, I did the usual.. smoke some... drink more.. and then pass out... But during it all, I managed to find out that my ex girlfriend has gone back to her old boyfriend from college and that caused me to wake up as soon as I tasted daylight. Needless to say, I am pretty fucked about it. Mainly because I do not understand why I cannot ever be happy with another person and why I am such a great launching pad for women to find the loves of their lives.
I mean there have been minor incidents like this throughout my life, but more importantly, the two biggest relationships I have ever have with the ex and a former high school girlfriend have at their ends resulted in that person finding eternal happiness shortly after they end their relationship with me. This phenomenon leaves me to believe that I must drive these individuals to search for anything better. And makes me think that I in turn will never find that happiness.
Hence, I am up at 6 in the morning sobering up while despising myself.
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2 comments:
Yeah, I think the day you die is a day when alarm clocks are irrelevant. Or at most, it's a day for snooze buttons.
I've emailed you about the other stuff.
I think you need to lighten up a bit....I mean christ Prior, I have been in a depressed lull for a few months now and you make me look like a chump!
Here's what you do:
Eat a donut
Got to a social event
Ask a cute girl for her phone number
It JUST might be THAT simple!
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